No longer on eggshells

By Sharon Jeffrey

I couldn't believe my husband would say such things. I was totally crushed. As he stormed out of the house, I just sat there wondering if our marriage would survive this latest round of accusations and damaged feelings. There seemed to be so many unresolved issues. An overwhelming feeling of self-pity swept over me, and I began to cry.

I had prayed so diligently for a healing of our situation, yet I had never felt less appreciated, less free really to be myself. Instead of mutual happiness and fulfillment, there was only strain and lack of trust.

I continued to pray, and all of a sudden I felt a comforting presence. I looked up, thinking my husband had returned and was surely going to apologize. But there was no one there—no physical being, that is. I realized that what I'd become aware of was God's love for me in that hour of sadness.

Immediately I stopped feeling so sorry for myself, and the tears dried up. As I sat there trying to figure out what had just happened, I decided to pray.

I started to say the Lord's Prayer as it's given on page 16 of Science and Health. When I came to the third and fourth lines, "Hallowed be Thy name / Adorable One," I needed to go no further. I realized I had been "adoring" the wrong one. I had been focusing on human being instead of on the one impartial, all-loving God. I realized I had been preoccupied with the wrong relationship—looking to a person to make me happy, to give me self-worth, to make me feel complete.

It became clear to me that adulation of someone's personality or physical appearance, exclusively, leads only to heartache. This is because true love and friendship don't depend on a personal view of things, but on one's spiritual view of others. For example, a child would probably be more likely to describe the qualities his or her mother expresses than the color of her hair or how tall she is. Even during the years I had "wasted" looking for happiness in the wrong relationship, God had been right there. I could honestly take note of the ways in which He'd been showing me how He/She loved me, and how I could begin to love others in a higher, purer way.

Several months later, I decided the most unselfish thing I could do for my husband, the children, and myself was to leave that marriage. It was a scary prospect, but a commentary on Jesus' words in John 14:12, 13 was a constant guide. The commentary points out that in the presence of God, people's worlds don't just collapse about them, and that no one is ever left alone. Paraphrasing Jesus' words, the commentator says: "The grace you saw for yourselves to be so effective in my hands is not withdrawn from the world. It lies at your disposal. Draw on it; draw on me; ask of me; lean on me; look to me, and there is no limit to what we can accomplish" (The Interpreter's Bible, Vol. 8, p. 706).

Any time I started to feel lonely or that my whole world had imploded, I would hold fast to those comforting promises. How strengthening they were—and still are—to me.

Soon, joy returned to our family circle. The children and I no longer felt as though we had to walk on eggshells. And the years since have blessed us beyond what we could have possibly imagined. Now I'm convinced that when I adore God first, all of my relationships are put on a firm foundation.

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Through a spiritual lens—CUTTING EDGE

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