Article August 23, 1999 Issue

THE TRUST ACCOUNT

David Thielk

"Dad, just show up at 9:30. That's all you have to do." Framed in the doorway, my son hesitated on his way to school one day last week. It was "Cocoa House" day. His class had been busy writing poetry for weeks, and on this morning they were sharing their creativity. Drinking cocoa, they would read their poetry to the rest of the class. My son lingered for a moment, waiting for a sign. I realized this moment was an opportunity for me to make one of those many small deposits in the trust account.

To be able to trust someone, especially for a child, is an important part of feeling whole. We all experience the need to trust. It grows out of our spiritual selves, and it is intimately connected to our faith. When our faith is strong, we give ourselves permission to let go of control and release ourselves from having to be the ultimate power in our lives. For me, this means being able to trust in something greater than myself. In the same way that I have learned to let go, I am encouraging my son to place his trust in me.

Becoming trustworthy in my son's eyes, however, has been one of the most challenging and, at times, frightening experiences I have had to face as a parent. The trust between us is unique. Unlike trust you build with your neighbor or your employer, the trust you build over a childhood of time touches every part of your life. My son sees me first thing in the morning and last thing in the evening. He sees me interact with the neighbors, with clients, and with friends. If I am going to command his trust, I have to act with a pure heart and sincerity. I have to tell him the truth. Always. I must follow through on my commitments. I need to be there for him when he is counting on me. I must listen carefully when he speaks.

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