Article June 21, 1999 Issue

No scars from an abusive past

Free to be me

By Sunny L. Wangler

My PARENTS GOT a divorce when I was twelve. The marriage was not a harmonious relationship for anyone — especially my mom, younger brother, and myself. My dad had quite a temper, and even though I do not recall that he ever struck my brother or me, my mom did not escape those unfortunate moments. My dad's often unkind comments and the lash of his temper were directed toward me nearly every day, without much affection ever being expressed.

Throughout this entire time, I went through much mental turmoil. I did not express many qualities in accord with my given name, which is sunny. This was not only because I felt "unsunny" a lot of the time and was fairly shy in most social situations, but also because I did not express much love, respect, or support for members of my immediate family. In fact, a lot of the time I was downright rude and hateful.

The good thing is that I grew out of these behaviors. It did not happen overnight, but over the years, through prayer, I began to learn the error of my ways. I have been able to completely forgive my birth father and have regular contact with him and his new family. I have also made amends with my stepdad, to whom I gave much grief in the beginning years of my mom's marriage to him. establishment of mutual love and respect is developing into wonderful friendships with both of them. It is a joyour blessing for which I am extremely grateful.

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No scars from an abusive past

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