How to get over a grudge
One of my friends had hurt my feelings. It had happened a few months before, and though I knew I should have let go of what she’d said, I was struggling so much to get over it. Now I was on a trip with a group of my friends, and she was there.
I didn’t want to hold on to a grudge, but every little thing she did seemed to annoy me so much. And the more things she did, the stronger the grudge became. It got to a point where I started sitting out on some of the activities just because she was participating.
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A few days in, I realized that she was also not feeling very happy toward me. The tension between us was ruining the whole trip.
I didn’t want to hold on to a grudge, but every little thing she did seemed to annoy me so much.
At first, I tried working through it on my own. For example, trying to occupy my thoughts with other things, talking with other people about how angry I was, ignoring her. None of it worked.
One night, I found I couldn’t sleep. I was so full of anger that it was overcoming me. I tossed and turned, getting no closer to any kind of peace or calm. I got up and went to talk to the Christian Science practitioner who was with us. A practitioner’s job is to help you see things more spiritually, so I thought going to her would help me see this girl’s spiritual nature and mine, as well as our innocence and our ability to love.
I couldn’t help bursting into tears as I told the practitioner what was going on. I had been trying so hard to let go of all the hatred, anger, and hurt, but it just seemed like I couldn’t.
The practitioner told me that I could “give it up to God”—in other words, trust God to help and comfort me, rather than thinking I had to do it on my own. This reminded me of a Bible passage I’d heard a lot but had never really connected with: “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. . . . For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28, 30). These are Jesus’ words, and even though he faced lots of people who were cruel to him during his life, instead of feeling burdened by their behavior, he responded with love. If he could say this, I knew that I could let go of hatred and find a way to love, too.
I realized that this grudge was only dragging me down, and I could let go of it for a spiritual perspective. Since that still seemed hard, I looked to Jesus’ example for inspiration again. As Jesus knew he was going to be crucified—a torturous death—he prayed and talked to God, asking if he could avoid this experience if at all possible. But in this moment of trial, he still said this as he prayed: “Not my will, but thine, be done” (Luke 22:42).
I realized that I needed to lean on God the way Jesus had. As it says in Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker Eddy, “Truth not error, Love not hate, Spirit not matter, governs man” (p. 420).
The truth of Love’s power was right there. I just needed to open my eyes to it.
I realized I was letting the error of seeing this girl incorrectly, and hatred because of the way she’d acted, govern my life. But the truth of Love’s power was right there. I just needed to open my eyes to it.
With this realization, I felt so much lighter. I could see how all the negative feelings that had seemed so justified before didn’t come from God, so they couldn’t be part of me. I could let them all go and see both this girl and myself as children of God—lovable and loving.
Very quickly, the tension and negativity drained away and we started being friends again. I’m so grateful for what I’ve learned about the power of Love to erase a grudge.
