Q: I want to be myself, but I’m kind of scared to because of what other people might think. Can you help?

A: I’m a horse person, which means I’ve always loved wearing jeans and boots. But then Wednesday night would roll around, when I would go to the testimony meeting at my local branch Church of Christ, Scientist. So what did I do? I put on white pants, a silk shirt, and a gold chain (an acceptable “dress code” at that time).

Was I afraid of other people’s judgment if I dressed in a way that didn’t conform to what they thought was acceptable? Yes. Ugh!

This wasn’t comfortable for me, but I felt I couldn’t be who I was. The pressure I was feeling to conform to others’ expectations was clearly dictating the way I dressed. But I also didn’t feel OK unless I portrayed a certain “look.”

What was this really about? It was clear evidence that I was taking others’ opinions as standards for my own behavior. Was I afraid of other people’s judgment if I dared to dress in a way that was comfortable to me but didn’t conform to what they thought was acceptable? Yes. Ugh! 

But this is about more than simply what we think we should wear. It also raises a deeper question: How can we truly be ourselves and feel OK about it? Maybe we need to start by seeing who we really are—I mean spiritually.

One of the great things, really amazing things, about God’s creation is its incredible diversity. Every single element of the universe is unique and individual. And each one of us, as God’s creation, is different from every other individuality. We aren’t clones. Each of us is what God is expressing as our own individual constellation of everything good. Each of us has God-bestowed gifts that only we can express in our own unique way. Just like no two snowflakes are exactly alike, no two of us are exactly alike. And that’s a good thing! It shows that we are all needed—each an essential part of this wonderful, infinite creation.

Understanding that gives us a solid basis for knowing who we are. God defines us. Externals don’t.

It takes courage to be true to this God-defined version of ourselves. We may seem different or feel like we don’t fit in. There’s a natural tendency to want to be part of the “in crowd.” It’s that desire to feel accepted that sometimes causes us to make choices about the way we present ourselves that aren’t really us. This can range from dressing in ways that don’t feel right to sometimes making bad decisions. 

God is 100 percent good. So when we know that we are God-created and therefore good, this gives us the strength not to do things just because other people do them. Knowing that we are always OK because of who we are on the inside—who we are spiritually—gives us that courage. 

There’s a quiet place in each of us that knows what’s right in any situation. It’s part of who we are. After all, we are created with all of the good qualities that God imparts to all of us. Through prayer, we can be in touch with these qualities and recognize that they give us direction, protection, and a sense of being OK. This gives us the confidence to make choices that are good. And it keeps us from getting hooked into the bad choices.

How do we pray for this kind of courage? What I do sometimes is ask God to introduce me to me. I ask God to tell me who I am. And then I listen to what comes to my thoughts. The answers come as a quiet, gentle feeling that I am good because my creator is good.

So how did this work for me? One Wednesday night, instead of dressing in the socially acceptable manner, I pulled on a clean pair of jeans and a nice shirt, added the boots, and off to church I went. And what happened? Basically nothing. Except I felt better because I was being honest about who I am.

I ask God to tell me who I am. The answers come as a quiet, gentle feeling that I am good because my creator is good.

Shakespeare makes a great point that sums up the importance of being true to what God has created us to be instead of what we—or others—think we should be. And Mary Baker Eddy, who discovered Christian Science, refers to this quote in her writings. Here it is: 

In other words, we really can be ourselves, and that is a beautiful thing.