From the time I got my first after-school job at age sixteen, I seemed to spend every penny I earned. Despite the fact that I worked steadily for the next five and a half decades at progressively better-paying jobs, my checking account was more than occasionally overdrawn. Over the years I ignored my chronically low credit rating, repeatedly refinanced my home to pay off accumulated debt, and drained my 401(k) retirement account just to pay daily expenses. And I lived with a corroding sense of shame.

I did not want to live this way, but did not feel able to stop. Every so often through the years, I would create a budget, but my efforts to stick to it were unsuccessful. In fact, whenever I created a budget, I would become so panicky that I would go on a spending spree, once even taking out a loan specifically for that purpose, just to calm myself down! But that relief never lasted, and I continued being deep in debt.

After being introduced to Christian Science by a coworker, I prayed about this problem from time to time, but did not really want to give up the things I thought I needed to buy. My efforts to use willpower to control this behavior continued to backfire.