Infinitely worthy in God’s eyes
Step by step, God gave me the spiritual clarity and strength to reject feelings of uselessness and to rejoice in my innate goodness.
Friends used to say I was self-assured and competent—and yet, if they’d only known! To me, these qualities seemed like a façade. Inside, I felt self-conscious, overly sensitive, and alone.
For most of my life I’d suffered from poor self-esteem. In my teens I tried hiding behind heavy make-up and sunglasses. And I started smoking and drinking to try to feel more confident. None of these props helped.
Over the years, I studied Christian Science, digging deeply into the weekly Christian Science Quarterly Bible Lessons to learn more about God. I had no agenda—just a hunger to know Him better and to live what I was learning in my daily life. As my trust in God grew, so did my confidence.
Then an inflamed skin condition—one that had surfaced in a minor form 15 years before—reappeared as a full-blown outbreak, spreading over my body and face. Though I’d been feeling closer to God, this shook me. Coming into contact with others made me feel uncomfortable and vulnerable, and I avoided going out as much as possible, even to church.
However, this time was spiritually productive. As I prayed each day, I felt God teaching me—revealing what I truly am as His image and likeness (as explained in Genesis 1:26, 27 ). I could see that since God is Soul, and therefore the source of true beauty, poise, and health, I embody these very qualities. And these words by Mary Baker Eddy, the Discoverer of Christian Science, kept coming to thought: “The mounting sense gathers fresh forms and strange fire from the ashes of dissolving self, and drops the world. Meekness heightens immortal attributes only by removing the dust that dims them” (Miscellaneous Writings 1883–1896, p. 1 ).
To me this meant that self-consciousness and insecurity were forms of self-centeredness or ego—the faulty perception that I was separate from God and possessed or lacked personal qualities of goodness. I realized I didn’t need more bravado but more meekness. I needed to acknowledge God as the source and substance of all that I am.
As I pondered these ideas, the flaky skin condition began fading away. It was remarkable to me how perfectly this action patterned the dissolving of a view of my identity as material and mortal. In the face of God’s love for me, these old beliefs were literally dropping off. I was being renewed.
Soon, I felt ready to return to church, to join with others in worshiping God. Because I was still a bit afraid of being judged by my outward appearance, I asked God to help me see my fellow church members (and others) through His eyes—as kind and generous, responsive to our divine identities.
I also asked Him to give me words to show my genuine appreciation of these individuals. Making the effort to say at least a word of gratitude to each person I encountered helped me forget myself. When I expressed love to others instead of looking to others to love me, I lost the fear of being judged. God was revealing to me my true nature as His faultless reflection, secure in His—infinite Love’s—keeping.
Shortly after this, a sentence from the Christian Science textbook came clearly to me: “A spiritual idea has not a single element of error, and this truth removes properly whatever is offensive” (Mary Baker Eddy, Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, p. 463
). Expanding on this, I identified myself as a spiritual idea of God, divine Mind, and reasoned, “A spiritual idea has not a single element of unworthiness, and this truth removes properly the offensive, matter-based sense that
I am insignificant and insecure.”
For the first time, I saw that God’s love made me worthy of affection and success. This truth shone in my consciousness, expelling every thought that was offensive to Him—and to me. In other words, God’s love was healing my fear that something unlike Him was part of me and needed to be removed. In God’s eyes I’d always been unique and irreplaceable. As His child, I could recognize my own and others’ individuality and divine worth, just as He did.
This didn’t feel like a quick turnaround, but it was a definitive one. Step by step, God gave me the spiritual clarity and strength to reject feelings of uselessness and to rejoice in my innate goodness. Divine Love’s continuous reminders of this spiritual goodness brought joy back into my life. I remembered this assurance from Mrs. Eddy: “Happiness consists in being and in doing good; only what God gives, and what we give ourselves and others through His tenure, confers happiness: conscious worth satisfies the hungry heart, and nothing else can” (Message to The Mother Church for 1902, p. 17 ). Conscious self-worth, I understood, comes from God and goes to God—manifests and glorifies Him in purposefulness, grace, peace, joy, and unselfed love.
Christ Jesus declared, “I can of mine own self do nothing.” Then he acknowledged and claimed infinite ability as coming to him from the Father: “As I hear, I judge: and my judgment is just; because I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me” (John 5:30 ). Here is true meekness and confidence! Embracing this God-centered thinking enabled me to see myself more clearly and truly.
And what about the skin condition? Steadfastly holding to my divine right to be what God created me to be, I was fully healed, physically and emotionally. Spiritual growth had purged belief in a material selfhood. Self-loathing was gone, and my skin was perfect.
Each of us can see ourselves through God’s eyes. From this viewpoint, we’ll recognize our inestimable value as God’s very self-expression—and we’ll find healing.