From pressure to patience
This was what I had actually been wanting this whole time—to feel and know Love better.
I’ve entered a phase in my life where there’s pressure to date and to find a spouse. Lots of societal talk about women’s biological clocks and the fear of falling behind can feel pretty heavy.
A year or so ago, I went on many dates, trying to figure out my preferences, “non-negotiables,” and deal breakers. Each guy had unique qualities, and I enjoyed many of my dates, but for one reason or another none of the men I met seemed like “the one.” No relationships really bloomed. This approach tired me out, and I had to ask myself, “Is there another path?”
I often turn to prayer when I feel defeated or lost or just uncertain. So, I decided to spend the next nine months in quiet prayer on the subject. I kindly declined any offer of a date and turned my attention to God.
One night as I was reflecting on some previous relationships, I felt an overwhelming sorrow that I was just not good enough. I curled up in a ball, sobbing, just wanting to feel loved. Then, right in the middle of this, a clear angel message from God came to me saying, “You are My love.”
I stopped crying as my thoughts quieted, and I began to ponder this idea. This was something I had not considered before. I took this to mean that as the image of God, divine Love, I can truly express, radiate, and feel only God’s love. My very existence was meant to bless. And I realized that I am so precious to Him—as we each are. This fact seems obvious to me now, but it was a really big deal in that moment. The sense of inseparability from God and of the consistency of God’s love for me enveloped me.
I realized that I am so precious to God—as we each are.
These ideas put me right at ease and lifted the weight of human opinion, inadequacy, and impatience from my shoulders. I felt lighter as I contemplated being the image of Love. I continued to build on this truth.
Going forward, my prayers expanded and encompassed more than just my own hopes and wishes. If I am God’s love, I reasoned, then all women and men must be able to freely express love, too. If I can feel lifted out of the burden of timelines and human will, so, too, can others.
These inspiring ideas reminded me of Christ Jesus, who revealed and demonstrated to mankind the loving nature of God’s relation to us. The Apostle Paul, a devout follower of Jesus, said the following in his letter to the Romans, “Neither death, nor life, . . . nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38, 39). Though I had read these words before and had some belief in them, this time I could actually feel their truth and comfort.
I began to realize that this was what I had actually been wanting this whole time—to feel and know Love better. Trying to outline God’s plan of good for me was of no use. My greatest desire was to let Love be a tangible, lightening, comforting presence each day.
I am now much better at living patiently and pressure-free, glorifying God and welcoming the good that God is giving each day.