On family, children, and faith

Dear friend,

You’ve been in my thoughts and prayers a lot lately. We’ve talked a few times about your situation.

You know my story, but I’ve decided to put it in writing for you—hopefully to encourage you to keep your head up and to keep going forward one step at a time.

Without getting too emotional, I “feel your pain.” I know what it’s like to not have children when you want them, to look at all your friends who are pregnant or already in parent mode, to feel left out, deprived—without purpose and direction. It’s rough!

I also know what it’s like to challenge those feelings, to stand up to those aggressive thoughts and say: “No! I’m not going to buy into defeat.” It’s not easy, for sure. But when we turn to God, divine Love, the one true creator, we can feel the strength needed to conquer any and all pessimism and hopelessness.

I know you’re not a Christian Scientist, but you’ve surely heard enough about it by now from me. And I know you appreciate the lightness and grace it has brought to my life—through good times and bad. That same light is there for you, too, whether or not you ever set foot in a church. God loves us all and guides our lives with perfect orchestration. Even if we’re not feeling that love, it doesn’t mean it isn’t there. It’s important to learn this because human circumstances in and of themselves do not provide true happiness. 

As you know, I’m a new member of the empty nest club. My three children have moved away from home and are in college. I feel like those same feelings of loneliness, lack, and sadness are trying to rear their heads again. So, as I’ve done before, I’m challenging those thoughts, and drawing close to God—knowing that with children or without, I’m a complete idea whose purpose is to express all my God-given talents. Mary Baker Eddy has a wonderful definition of man (meaning men and women) in Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures. It states in part, “[Man] is the compound idea of God, including all right ideas; …” (p. 475 ). I love that definition because it’s so expansive. It’s a promise of fulfillment, and perhaps in ways that we haven’t even thought of yet.

When I think about the time my husband and I were trying to have children, I remember the frustration and sadness at not being able to conceive. After several years of trying to get pregnant, everything seemed hopeless. But I kept on praying, and I felt the prayers and love of my immediate family, my church family, and the different Christian Science practitioners I worked with during that time. Slowly, but surely, my husband’s and my mental horizons began to shift and expand. We began to think of new possibilities, new opportunities, and most important, letting go of rigid thinking and planning. Once my husband and I opened the door to letting God work His purpose out, well, it seemed we couldn’t keep up with all the good that flooded into our lives. And much of that good came into view well before our children came on the scene.

Adoption was an amazing experience for us. Sure, you have to get past the whole notion of carrying on the bloodline, but a child is a child, and they all are truly wonderful blessings—no matter where they come from. The joy and love that children have to offer far outweighs the fear of not knowing what you’re going to get. It’s freeing to feel that kind of love, which has its source in God. And God knows who and what we need in our lives.

We became so convinced of this wonderful opportunity, that when the first birth mom changed her mind and decided to keep her baby, we were not at all heartbroken. Again, God, divine Mind, knows who and what we need in our lives. Just a few months later, we learned of another birth mom who wanted to give us her baby to love and adopt. Cody came into our lives as it was always meant to be. He couldn’t have been a better fit! He was a promise of God’s love for us all. What a blessing! 

Fast forward two and a half years, and we were thinking it might be time to adopt a baby girl. This time we were certain that God knew who we needed in our lives, and yet, doubts still tried to creep into our thoughts. Was it the right time, could we afford it, will the experience be as wonderful as the first? So when we got the call that there was a baby girl available to adopt, I hesitated. Different challenges arose this time that caused doubts. I heard the report that she was premature and as a result could develop some physical challenges. I froze. The agency needed our decision by the end of the day. 

We couldn't keep up with all the good that flooded into our lives.

As I quieted my thoughts I went back to what I’d already learned—God knows who and what we need in our lives. I closed my eyes in prayer and said, “OK, God, I need an answer, I need it now, and I need it to be crystal clear.” I opened my treasured Bible at random, placed my finger on a page and opened my eyes. “Open ye the gates” (Isaiah 26:2 ), is the first verse my eyes were drawn to. It couldn’t have been clearer than that! I boarded a plane the next day, flew 2,000 miles away, and Gabby was in my arms less than 48 hours later. And God didn’t disappoint. I brought her home to my waiting husband and son, and we all witnessed this sweet, “gentle beam of living Love” (Mary Baker Eddy, Poems, p. 29 ) blossom into a beautiful, strong, athletic, and awesome little girl. 

As you know, God had more in store. Remember the flood of good I talked about that began to flow as soon as we opened the door to God’s infinite possibilities? Isn’t that what we understood before the children arrived? Could I ever doubt God’s goodness and provision regarding our family again? I guess I did one more time.

Little did I know that while I was down in another state picking up Gabby to bring her home, I was, in fact, pregnant. I didn’t find this out for another month, as I was too busy to think about myself. But when I realized my condition, I questioned God’s plan. How could this be? Two babies nine months apart with a three-and-a-half-year-old to boot!? I even called my Christian Science teacher and asked him if there was any chance God could mistime things. He laughed (in a good way), and then replied, “… the superabundance of being is on the side of God, good” (Science and Health, p. 201 ). Could I really doubt this was true? Actually, I didn’t for very long. Hannah was born seven and a half months later. She arrived on the scene with precise timing in every way. Another awesome blessing! It became clear, once again, that God knows who and what we need in our lives. 

Our family was now complete, and it had been perfectly ordered. (Of course we had challenges, but those are stories for another day!)

Who could have imagined the coming together of such diverse expressions of Love and in such unique ways? Nothing can deny all the good that has come from this family that God designed. And nothing can prevent all the good that God has designed for you and yours. Whether children come into your life or not, your needs are met from day to day. Another popular statement in Eddy’s book Science and Health says, “Divine Love always has met and always will meet every human need” (p. 494 ). It is divine Love, and not material conditions, or even children that meet our needs. 

One more thought to leave you with from Science and Health. This has been my daily prayer since Cody was born 22 years ago. “In Science man is the offspring of Spirit. The beautiful, good, and pure constitute his ancestry. His origin is not, like that of mortals, in brute instinct, nor does he pass through material conditions prior to reaching intelligence. Spirit is his primitive and ultimate source of being; God is his Father, and Life is the law of his being” (p. 63 ).

I can’t wait to see all that God has in store for you.