RELATIONSHIPS August 31, 2009 Issue

IT'S NEVER TOO LATE

SANDI JUSTAD

DRIVING THROUGH A NEIGHBORHOOD where a dearly loved friend had lived, I noticed the individual's cozy home nestled among pine trees—now owned by new people. That's when I remembered a dinner conversation a couple of years before this friend had passed on, where we'd discussed another friend's career decisions. There was no room for discussion. My friend's opinion on the matter was final. And it remained so each time the topic came up over the coming months.

One big lesson I've learned over the years is the long-term destructiveness of taking offense. Having seen the inward and outward ravages caused by resentment, I had vowed never to be guilty of this particular sin. Others, including this friend, have been generous toward me when I've said or done the unforgivable, and it wasn't hard out of sheer gratitude to pass that along. So I was caught completely off-guard at the resurfacing of this memory and the offense I felt about it.

I faced the fact that my annoyance with my friend's intractability on a topic on which we both held deep opinions had seriously affected our relationship. With hindsight, it was clear that instead of dealing with this exasperation head-on through prayer as I normally would, I had let the criticism niggle at me. Consequently, while we remained friends, we were never again as close as we had been.