Article June 12, 2006 Issue

SUICIDE IS NOT THE WAY OUT

BY MARTA GREENWOOD

LAST SUMMER'S 7/7 bomb attacks in London made "suicide bombing" a close and uncomfortable reality to many of us who live and work there. For one moment on that day, it felt as if my family, friends, or I could have our lives terminated by someone else's particular ideology of suicide. That event had us thinking of suicide in a very public context.

Then there is the more personal act of desperation—the urge to commit suicide that can come to someone who feels stuck in a dead-end place. At one time in my childhood, I was so depressed and lonely that I often wondered if anyone would miss me if I killed myself. I felt I had to apologize to the whole world for having even been born, because I seemed to be so worthless. If this was life, I thought, I could well do without it.

Today, I look on my childhood, and I am so grateful for being alive. I'm glad I allowed myself to grow to become a mother of two beautiful daughters. I would have missed out on many exciting and satisfying things in my adult life.

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