LAST SUMMER'S 7/7 bomb attacks in London made "suicide bombing" a close and uncomfortable reality to many of us who live and work there. For one moment on that day, it felt as if my family, friends, or I could have our lives terminated by someone else's particular ideology of suicide. That event had us thinking of suicide in a very public context.

Then there is the more personal act of desperation—the urge to commit suicide that can come to someone who feels stuck in a dead-end place. At one time in my childhood, I was so depressed and lonely that I often wondered if anyone would miss me if I killed myself. I felt I had to apologize to the whole world for having even been born, because I seemed to be so worthless. If this was life, I thought, I could well do without it.

Today, I look on my childhood, and I am so grateful for being alive. I'm glad I allowed myself to grow to become a mother of two beautiful daughters. I would have missed out on many exciting and satisfying things in my adult life.

Some of the most exciting discoveries in my life came from my becoming a student of Christian Science and being able to study and investigate a whole new way of living. I've learned to see my existence and the whole universe around me from a totally spiritual standpoint—that of a perfect cause and effect, of an unlimited spiritual existence rather than one that is physical and limited.

My first lesson in Christian Science, the keynote to spiritual awareness, was the definition of God found in the teachings of Christ Jesus: "God is ... Spirit" (John 4:24). If God is Spirit, it naturally follows as a fact that His creation, or likeness, is spiritual. If entirely spiritual, it cannot be in any part material. This line of reasoning adheres strictly to the account of creation in Genesis 1: "And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good" (1:31).

In order to discover my place and purpose, I had to find out what God, Spirit, was to me. How did I relate to God?

The Ten Commandments, I came to discover, were a great place to start (see Ex. 20:3–17). I began to see them as ten laws of divine Life for healthy living, healing, and happiness. Through my newfound understanding of the first chapter of Genesis, of a wholly good and spiritual creation, and all of us made in the image and likeness of God, I got a new view of the Ten Commandments. Instead of seeing them as threats warning "Thou shalt not!" I began to see them as promises—as God saying to each of us, "You are My beloved child, so it's impossible for you to feel unworthy, to go astray."

Mary Baker Eddy said that the First Commandment was her "favorite text" (Science and Health, p. 340). Commenting on the command, "Thou shalt have no other gods before me," she wrote: "This me is Spirit. Therefore the command means this: Thou shalt have no intelligence, no life, no love, but that which is spiritual" (p. 467).

What Moses and Jesus saw of the great I am, of eternal Life itself, has something deeply meaningful to say to anyone who might be thinking about taking her or his own life. Let me explain.

The Bible starts with "In the beginning, God ..." Christ Jesus began his prayer, the Lord's Prayer, "Our Father ..." The premise behind these words allows us to say that God is the only presence and the only power, full stop! God is also known as "I AM" in the Bible. When God spoke to Moses out of the burning bush, He defined Himself as "I AM THAT I AM." God magnified this revealed truth by saying to Moses, "Thus shalt thou say unto the children of Israel, I AM hath sent me unto you" (Ex. 3:14). And Jesus used the phrase "I am" many times, such as when he said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life" (John 14:6).

I believe that Jesus used "I am" in this context to openly identify himself with God as His forever Son. Jesus' words and life showed that God's presence is always with us—always has been and always will be.

Jesus also said, "I and my Father are one" (John 10:30). God is our Father, too. When we feel God's presence in our lives, we identify ourselves as the children of the I am, God, and become one with this divine consciousness. We can't have a better or worthier purpose than the one God gives us, as ideas within the great I am, who values each one of us, and needs each one of us, in order to be our all-good Father-Mother.

But what is I am? I see this name for God as pointing to true being, to our source, our real nature, our real self, and nothing else. Our actual identity is found in our connection with God, who is always present within our thoughts as His universal Christ. Science and Health explains the Christ at one point as "the real man and his relation to God" (p. 316). Christ is always showing us our place within the I am.

I am includes not just me, but everyone. When we live more consciously within God's presence, there is no reason to feel separation or aloneness. Our life and its purpose come right out from, actually mirror, the one true cause and effect, the infinite Spirit.

In Science and Health, Mrs. Eddy defined God in this way: "The great I am; the all-knowing, all-seeing, all-acting, all-wise, all-loving, and eternal; Principle; Mind; Soul; Spirit; Life; Truth; Love; all substance; intelligence" (p. 587). The most important responsibility I have to God concerning myself is working out within myself my spiritual character, my true Christian "I," my relationship to the Divine.

Our duty to God is to love Him, with all our heart, soul, and mind. Jesus said of this command, "This is the first and great commandment." To this commandment the Master attached a second, about loving our neighbor as ourselves. He said of the second that it is "like unto [the first]" (Matt. 22:38, 39)—that is, loving our neighbor is like loving God. In following these commands, we must naturally feel the sanctity of life, and respect each individual's right to life.

Because God is "the great I am" within consciousness, defining each of us, we cannot really be made to contemplate suicide. Because God is Life eternal, and this Life is mirrored in each of us, our lives cannot be destroyed or taken away. Everything within us—that is, everything that God makes us to be—naturally upholds the Sixth Commandment: "Thou shalt not kill" (Ex. 20:13).

At some points on life's journey, we may face enormously challenging times, or have serious doubts about what is right and what is wrong. But we can trust the presence of I am, of God-with-us, to show us whatever steps are in our best interest in finding the inner peace that only comes from knowing ourselves as God defines us. The infinite, divine Mind will lead us to higher values and better choices, to move beyond hopelessness, and to find fulfilling lives. We are always valued and loved, right here, right now.

As the Apostle Paul wrote, "God is always at work in you to make you willing and able to obey his own purpose" (Phil. 2:13, Today's English Version). And Jesus proved that Spirit and not matter, Life and not death, Love and not loss, is the divine inheritance that each one of us has to enjoy today! CSS