How can I control pain and destroy its power over me? This is the question with which I approached a painful challenge with elimination, which I began to have about seven years ago.

Sometimes, the trouble went on for almost a week, and when I did eliminate, I would be in extreme pain. I couldn't sit or lie down with any sense of comfort. I called a Christian Science practitioner to pray for me, and sometimes I talked with her several times a day, and often during the night. At one point, I found myself wanting to do anything just to feel comfortable. I began to think that perhaps a doctor could give me something to relieve the pain or to alter the condition in some way.

As I wrestled with this, I thought of this passage from the Bible: "Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases" (Ps. 103:2, 3). This was a reminder to me that all my life, I had relied on God for all of my needs, and He had never failed me. But now I was very fearful—I had never experienced this much discomfort before. At one point, however, I realized that I could not just hope the pain would go away. I had to take an active stand for what I understood about God's healing power.

I turned to a passage in Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker Eddy that went to the core of my struggle: "Discussing his campaign, General Grant said: 'I propose to fight it out on this line, if it takes all summer.' Science says: All is Mind and Mind's idea. You must fight it out on this line. Matter can afford you no aid" (p. 492). I felt I must fight it out—mentally resist the claim of disease—with what I understood of Christian Science. I couldn't put it off. I felt I needed to trust the healing power of divine Love, starting right that minute.

My outlook brightened. When the pain started again, I would firmly challenge it: "You, pain, are a lie, and you are no part of me. I am God's child. And because God loves me, He does not send pain and suffering." I voiced this out loud. I also sang many loved hymns from the Christian Science Hymnal.

And I diligently studied Science and Health. There were times when I read 50 pages a day. I memorized whole paragraphs that particularly inspired me. When I was in pain, these passages would come to thought, bringing spiritual light and comfort. Although I continued to struggle with recurring discomfort, I kept up my study, and my denial that the condition had any reality—because God was the only Creator. I also continued to lay claim to God's love for me, and knew that He would not desert me in my hour of need.

During this period, the word feel really began to stand out to me. In prayer, I asked: "What does it mean to feel? Is feeling material or spiritual?" The immediate answer that came was that feeling is spiritual, a faculty of divine Mind, God. Then I looked up every reference in the Bible and in Mary Baker Eddy's writings on this subject. One statement from Science and Health particularly comforted me: "Let us feel the divine energy of Spirit, bringing us into newness of life and recognizing no mortal nor material power as able to destroy. Let us rejoice that we are subject to the divine 'powers that be.' Such is the true Science of being. Any other theory of Life, or God, is delusive and mythological" (p. 249).

Through this study, I was gaining new insight into the fact that pain was not coming from my body, but from my thought—it was a mental illusion. I realized that I had a choice to make. I could choose to feel pain, or I could choose to feel "the divine energy of Spirit." It was up to me. I could not feel pain and the care of divine Love at the same time.

So whenever the condition flared up—and it sometimes came with a vengeance—I immediately prayed with the spiritual facts, and held to my prayer. In the course of this work, I was seeing that because my own true identity was spiritual, all I could really feel was the power and presence of Love. I saw that the physical body itself has no feeling. I realized that it was only fear that prolonged pain, and I came to regard both fear and pain as lies, false suggestions, nothing more. Because God was always with me, I realized that I could refuse to fall into the trap of fear any longer.

A turning point came one day when I was talking with the practitioner. She said, "Well, David, you know that there is nothing but God." It was as though a light had been turned on in my consciousness. "There is only God." I knew that was true. He is All, and there is nothing else. Nothing exists but God and His creation. Because of God's allness, there could be no room in my thinking for fear, disease, anything unlike Him.

When I was no longer afraid of the pain, it lost its grip on my thought, and, therefore, on my body. Soon, I was completely healed. I was able to have eliminations with no blockage and no discomfort. And I have remained free ever since.

I am so grateful for this healing, which not only was about gaining my dominion over pain, but also learning more about my relationship with God. I have a deeper feeling than ever before of God's love for me. I am also grateful for the understanding that God does not cause fear or suffering.

DAVID SHIELDS
ALTADENA, CALIFORNIA