Are you sure?
This bookmark will be removed from all folders and any saved notes will be permanently removed.
I was angry at God
WHEN MY HUSBAND PASSED ON, everything that I had counted on was in a state of upheaval. I was afraid of everything. I felt alone. I had a teenage daughter whom I would be raising on my own. What was her life going to be like? What was my life going to be like? Obviously I was depressed. I was deeply grieving the loss of my husband. But even more than that, there was a tidal wave of mental darkness that seemed impenetrable.
I had a really good friend who patiently and consistently called me nearly every day. Frankly, she was worried about me, and she needed to know whether I was making any progress. One afternoon about a month and a half after my husband's passing, she called to ask how I was doing. That day, I could articulate it exactly—without any filters. I didn't think I needed to couch my feelings in happy terms. And so I told her I was angry.
"At what?" she asked. And I remember thinking, "I don't know. I don't know what I'm angry at." It was enough that I could actually say I was angry. What I was thinking seemed to violate everything I had been trying to communicate to others—"Oh, everything's fine. I'm doing fine."
Enjoy 1 free Sentinel article or audio program each month, including content from 1898 to today.
About the author
Michelle Boccanfuso travels widely from her home base in Ewing, New Jersey, giving public talks on Christian Science.
Picking up the pieces
with contributions from Nellie Gitau, Edna Leutwiler, Patricia Hough Wood, Dorothy Kasten, Eleanor Cartwright, Nicholas Ogeto Nyakundi
Items of interest
with contributions from Lynn Arave, Jennifer Atkins Brown, Merlene Davis
A ray of light in the darkest of days
By Channing Walker
Prayer during financial crisis
By Cynthia Neely
I was angry at God
By Michelle Boccanfuso
Be proactive instead of worried
By Barbara Vining
Invincible depression? I don't think so!
By Carol Cummings
Seeing the 'face of God'
By Marilyn Jones Senior Writer
Don't swim with a bear on your back
By Rita Polatin
My way to contribute
By Francisco "Paco" Garcia
Through a spiritual lens— under a lowering sky
Who me? A candidate?
By Richard A. Nenneman
Key elements of prayer—earnestness and expectation
Knife wound healed