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I was angry at God
WHEN MY HUSBAND PASSED ON, everything that I had counted on was in a state of upheaval. I was afraid of everything. I felt alone. I had a teenage daughter whom I would be raising on my own. What was her life going to be like? What was my life going to be like? Obviously I was depressed. I was deeply grieving the loss of my husband. But even more than that, there was a tidal wave of mental darkness that seemed impenetrable.
I had a really good friend who patiently and consistently called me nearly every day. Frankly, she was worried about me, and she needed to know whether I was making any progress. One afternoon about a month and a half after my husband's passing, she called to ask how I was doing. That day, I could articulate it exactly—without any filters. I didn't think I needed to couch my feelings in happy terms. And so I told her I was angry.
"At what?" she asked. And I remember thinking, "I don't know. I don't know what I'm angry at." It was enough that I could actually say I was angry. What I was thinking seemed to violate everything I had been trying to communicate to others—"Oh, everything's fine. I'm doing fine."
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About the author
Michelle Boccanfuso travels widely from her home base in Ewing, New Jersey, giving public talks on Christian Science.

March 1, 2004 issue
View Issue-
Picking up the pieces
Bettie Gray
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letters
with contributions from Nellie Gitau, Edna Leutwiler, Patricia Hough Wood, Dorothy Kasten, Eleanor Cartwright, Nicholas Ogeto Nyakundi
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Items of interest
with contributions from Lynn Arave, Jennifer Atkins Brown, Merlene Davis
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A ray of light in the darkest of days
By Channing Walker
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Prayer during financial crisis
By Cynthia Neely
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I was angry at God
By Michelle Boccanfuso
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Be proactive instead of worried
By Barbara Vining
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Invincible depression? I don't think so!
By Carol Cummings
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Seeing the 'face of God'
By Marilyn Jones Senior Writer
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Don't swim with a bear on your back
By Rita Polatin
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My way to contribute
By Francisco "Paco" Garcia
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Through a spiritual lens— under a lowering sky
Paul Shippey
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Who me? A candidate?
By Richard A. Nenneman
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Key elements of prayer—earnestness and expectation
Wendy Marshall
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Knife wound healed
Diane Ford