Article August 5, 2002 Issue

The paradox of control: GIVE it up to GAIN it

BY Marilyn C. Jones Sentinel staff

A Therapist Once Told Me that the struggle for control is the number one issue between couples. I've come to see that it's probably true—not just in relationships, but in whether or not we've got any say in what happens in our individual lives.

Being out of control is scary. I know. I spent my youth fighting every kind of controlling authority: teachers, my parents, society's norms, as well as battling my own demons of alcohol, tobacco, caffeine, sweets. Not to mention a strong rebellion against order and discipline. Yet, no matter how I schemed and worked the system, I never felt I had any real power over my destiny. In fact, I usually wound up wondering why I was so out of control.

After I had children, I began to get a different view of things. At the same time, I began reading Science and Health, which opened up a whole new way of seeing myself. Before long, things began to shift. One day I was listening to a talk on Christian Science, and a short sentence jumped out—"God never made a disorderly child." I said to myself, "Why wouldn't that be true about me? God created me in Her image—and that doesn't mean sloppy, disheveled, careless."

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