Article February 14, 1994 Issue

Forgive yourself

Where does forgiveness begin? And how far can it reach?

Mark Billings Raffles

My friend and I decided to play a friendly little game of one-on-one basketball. We tossed a few humorous barbs at each other while we warmed up; then we began to play a spirited game.

But at some point, the competition became anything but friendly. Although I was very aware of the dark atmosphere that now pervaded the game, my ego and desire to win would not permit me to back away from the contest. My contest. My friend showed no signs of doing so, either. When the game ended—in a draw, more or less—he and I stalked off the court in different directions.

That next day, feeling guilty for getting so carried away, I apologized for the things I'd said and done during the game, and it appeared the relationship would return to a normal basis. Over the next few months, however, my friend wouldn't return my many phone calls. I suspected he harbored ill feelings as a result of the game, and a mutual friend confirmed this.

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