Looking for Someone?
Once upon a time there was a girl who had one goal in life: finding The Right Guy. She traveled widely in her search. She dared not miss a party in case he would be there. Oh, she met some very nice fellows but she eventually discovered each had a flaw. One was too young; another had an odd taste in clothes; someone else was just plain dull. Certainly not top-notch material. Alas, the young woman never found her hero, so she just went on looking.
If this story rings a bell, perhaps you've found that clenching your teeth through a boring date is no fun. How grateful I was when Christian Science came to the rescue! I'd relied on scientific prayer most of my life—when there was illness, or I had trouble with schoolwork. But in my social life, except for pleading with God to send me Mr. Right, I'd resorted to scheming and dreaming.
However, after one too many exasperating relationships I began paying attention to what Mrs. Eddy says: "What we most need is the prayer of fervent desire for growth in grace, expressed in patience, meekness, love, and good deeds." Science and Health, p. 4 ; All right, maybe it was time to swap my longing for a boyfriend for a "fervent desire for growth in grace." But expressing "patience, meekness, love, and good deeds" seemed a tall order. Mrs. Eddy's next sentence clued me in on where to start: "To keep the commandments of our Master and follow his example, is our proper debt to him and the only worthy evidence of our gratitude for all that he has done."
"The commandments of our Master"? Turning to the Bible, I found: "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment." Matt. 22:37, 38 ; I felt a little guilty. Of course, I loved God. But I had an uncomfortable feeling that I'd been loving my imaginary dream of a knight in shining armor even more. Hadn't I been counting on him to whisk me away from boredom and loneliness?
Thinking about what Christ Jesus called "the first and great commandment," I began to see that putting God first puts everything in a spiritual perspective. This doesn't mean seeing the world through rose-colored glasses—overlooking faults and rationalizing limitations. It means seeing God's creation as it really is: perfectly wonderful, expressing Him.
I knew God isn't a giant superman up in the sky who turns out miniatures—some perfect, some not so perfect. God is divine Spirit, fathering and mothering His family of spiritually flawless children. If the word "spiritual" brings to mind false smiles and drab conversation, you're in for a surprise. There's nothing pallid about Spirit's vividly outlined creation, chock-full of vigor and vitality. Nor is there anything bland about the fresh and startling truths God communicates to His idea, man. If we depend on the fickleness of physical form, we're doomed to disappointment; but relying on the sureness of Spirit, we can't help but feel a deep-down satisfaction.
This sort of spiritual reasoning naturally leads to what Jesus called the second commandment, "Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself." v. 39; Feelings of superiority or inferiority fly away when we understand all God's children to be equal and excellent. A Christian Scientist doesn't merely pretend ugliness and inadequacy don't exist. But through a more spiritual consciousness he becomes increasingly aware that his neighbor has real beauty and intelligence.
It took some deep thinking for me to grasp the fact that God, not good looks, makes the man. But as I chipped away at my ivory-tower walls, the brightness of man's selfhood began to show through. I widened my view of others and discovered admirable, lovable qualities. Not surprisingly, I launched my "growth in grace" by showing more consideration and thoughtfulness toward others. With relief I dropped the burden of judgment and the crutch of sarcasm.
One nice by-product was discovering the stretchability of thought awake to God, Mind. Talents sprouted that I'd formerly seen only in others. Freed of the nagging thought "Won't I ever get married?" I began enjoying my newfound completeness in singlehood.
Somewhere along the line I tossed away my Prince Charming checklist. The dominant male was no longer the image I looked for. True courage, wisdom, and humility were the qualities I now appreciated. As I let loving-kindness replace anxiety, I was able to form several comfortable friendships with men.
Not too much later I met a fellow who swept me off my feet with his really fine qualities. His balanced expression of God's masculine and feminine nature was just what I'd been growing to appreciate. This young man discovered something worth loving in me, too, and we were soon married.
But "happily ever after" requires constant work and prayer. Once over the threshold, I found myself sliding back into the old habit of pinning my hopes on an ideal man. I unwittingly put my husband on a pedestal and ended up seesawing between fear of failure and martyrdom.
Then it hit me. Somewhere in the flurry of the wedding confetti I'd forgotten God, forgotten it was Him I needed to please and rely on. I realized that being married needn't be like living on a tightrope, each misstep plunging one or both partners into the net of frustration. Instead, husband and wife can find the sure footing of a God-centered union, where affection and appreciation thrive under the care of Father-Mother Love. And trusting God, not your spouse, to come up with the right answers encourages wise decision-making and eases the strain of personal responsibility.
Sometimes self-will rears its head. Then I find it helpful to remember that being unselfish doesn't necessarily mean giving in. Instead, it may require giving up a wrong sense of what happiness is. As you see you can let God express Himself in you and your partner, the door will open to a freeing relationship.
Now a forever-after happy ending? No, this growth-in-grace program goes on. And what better school than marriage for practicing "patience, meekness, love, and good deeds"? I'm in no hurry. With every step I'm discovering more about God and His great love for man. Mrs. Eddy assures us, "The Divine Being must be reflected by man,—else man is not the image and likeness of the patient, tender, and true, the One 'altogether lovely;' but to understand God is the work of eternity, and demands absolute consecration of thought, energy, and desire." Science and Health, p. 3 .
