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'Out of the wilderness'
I was raised in a Christian home. My mother made certain that my brother and sister and I attended church and Sunday School every week. I had a deep love for church, but even as a youngster I had many questions concerning God and felt I was finding few answers.
Our religion believed man was born into sin and that God sat in judgment of man. If we were good, we went to heaven. If we were bad, we would go to hell and suffer damnation forever. I was taught that God allows all of the suffering and sickness and sin in the world. These things were His will, I was told, even if we did not understand why they happened.
This just did not make sense to me. I could not understand how God could ever send me to hell if He loved me, nor could I understand how a loving God would allow His sons and daughters to suffer. One Sunday, when I was about 13, my family and I were in church. The preacher was once again telling us about man’s sinful nature. Suddenly, I just knew it wasn’t true, and I got up and walked out of the service.
That was the beginning of a long quest for answers. After graduating from high school, I joined the Navy, where I was stationed aboard an aircraft carrier and traveled to many different countries. During that time I read all I could find on the different religions of the world. Many held my interest, but none provided me with the answers I was seeking.
I was off duty one evening and was standing outside aboard ship on a catwalk along the flight deck. It was a beautiful night. The sea was calm and the stars filled the sky. I was struck with a wonderful feeling of oneness with God. A deep sense of man’s perfection and God’s love swept over me. I couldn’t explain the feeling, but I knew in my heart that this was the truth!
Soon after that incident, I received my discharge from the Navy. I found a job in the town where my parents lived. By then my mother was attending a Christian Science church, so I started attending church with her. I also began reading Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker Eddy.
I couldn’t explain the feeling, but I knew in my heart that this was the truth!
In the chapter titled “Recapitulation,” Mrs. Eddy poses the question, “What is God?” Her answer to that question made perfect sense to me: “God is incorporeal, divine, supreme, infinite Mind, Spirit, Soul, Principle, Life, Truth, Love” (p. 465). Later in the same chapter she defines man. She says in part: “Man is idea, the image, of Love; he is not physique. He is the compound idea of God, including all right ideas; …” (p. 475). This was the truth I had been searching for and which I had caught a glimpse of that night on the ship.
From my church attendance, I became friends with a loving Christian Science practitioner. We had many long conversations about Christian Science. She explained to me that our Father-Mother God is all good, and that He does not create evil, sin, sickness, or death. She explained that man as God’s image and likeness is all good, and added that the mortal sense of life—what we perceive with our senses—has no reality to it.
I was finally getting answers to the questions I had had for so long. I was coming out of the wilderness.
One evening, not too long after, I had the opportunity to attend a Christian Science lecture. During that lecture I felt totally engulfed in divine Love; it was as though I were floating. I knew I was truly feeling God’s loving presence. The lecturer became my Christian Science teacher, and all of my lingering questions about God and man’s relationship to Him were answered during those 12 wonderful days of Primary class instruction.
The direction of my life was forever changed, and I can honestly say that I have never since felt lost or separated from God.