I’ve come across this saying a lot recently: “It’s OK not to be OK.” I am so grateful for the compassion that typically motivates this statement. It’s important for people to know that they don’t have to hide what they are dealing with or try to appear strong for the sake of their families, friends, or even careers—that no matter what, they are loved and valued.

But what about the underlying assumption that it is actually normal for us to have one or more problems “baked in” to our identity? In other words, are discordant experiences just part of who we are?

When I was a child, I had painful seizures whenever I participated in athletic activities. I also had to carefully monitor myself when playing outside to make sure I could get back indoors quickly if this problem arose. My parents and teachers were always so thoughtful and attentive in helping and caring for me and giving me comfort when needed.