Article March 18, 2019 Issue

Forgive and forget?

Tom Fuller

When we’ve been wronged, common counsel says we should “forgive and forget.” But that advice may seem difficult to accept for the heart that’s feeling greatly wronged. And how hard it is to forgive ourselves (much less forget) when we’ve carelessly injured another.

Years ago I was the head of a marketing team striving to secure an important account. The team worked tirelessly for months to meet the demands of this potential customer. I had never seen such earnest and consistent effort over such a long interval. We all felt that our company offered a uniquely well-suited solution.

Just when victory should have been ours, I was forced to make a time-critical decision with no clear guidance from others. I attempted to pray, listening for inspiration as best I could, and made a decision. It later turned out to be exactly wrong! The deal was lost, a deal worth millions. The team made an effort to console me, but they were crestfallen and disappointed in me. In fact, the lead engineer quit the company. I expected my boss to fire me, but he generously pointed out that he had just spent millions of dollars (the lost deal) training me; he couldn’t let me go now!

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