Testimony of Healing December 4, 2017 Issue

Freedom from shame—innocence reclaimed

Helen Lechner

Today, I feel like an unblemished rosebud! Thanks to an understanding, through my study of Christian Science, of what I really am, I see the “real me”—my spiritual, totally innocent nature as a child of God. This “me” or identity can never be touched or marred by any human circumstance, as I discovered years ago.

After my mother remarried when I was fourteen, we moved into my stepfather’s house with him and his twenty-year-old son. Our parents’ attentions were suddenly focused on each other, so my new stepbrother and I found solace and comfort in one another’s company. But during the next couple of years, a mutual attraction developed and we began flirting. I enjoyed the attention, but one day when our parents were on vacation things took a turn. He took advantage of their absence. Though I vigorously resisted, he raped me. I couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone.

As shocking and devastating as that experience was, my stepbrother convinced me we were “in love” and would someday marry. Over the years we had developed what I felt was genuine affection for one another, and the temptation to be together seemed too great to resist. And so the physical encounters, which were never again forced, continued for two more years, but were kept secret from our parents. Then without any explanation or advance notice, my stepbrother moved out of the house, leaving me feeling emotionally crushed, abandoned, and used. My self-image was that of “damaged goods.” I felt ashamed, robbed of my innocence, with no one to turn to.

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