Recently I was talking to a friend at church who had encountered many severe problems with her family over the years. But I rebelled against the thought that anyone could be left out of the blessing God has for His beloved children. In Science and Health the Discoverer and Founder of Christian Science, Mary Baker Eddy, stated in the very first line of the book: “To those leaning on the sustaining infinite, to-day is big with blessings” (p. vii). 

So I asked myself, what are these blessings that can be gained simply by “leaning” on the infinite? It can sometimes seem to be quite a battle when we’re praying for help. We may mistakenly believe that we can’t demonstrate God’s power in our experience because we’re not worthy in some way. It’s vital to understand that we’re not earning some reward from God, that we could do the wrong thing and forfeit divine help, or that perhaps God might withhold a blessing for some reason. Jesus corrected these mistaken concepts by saying: “Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom” (Luke 12:32).

Jesus is addressing us as sheep in a flock. Now a flock always has a shepherd and the sheep aren’t expected to figure out where to go and how to stay safe; that’s the shepherd’s job. Next, “good pleasure” and the verb “give” define God’s willingness to provide all good for us, since that is His nature. Sheep don’t earn the shepherd’s care; the shepherd cares for each one equally no matter what difficulties confront them. 

At one point in my life there didn’t seem to be a lot that was going right. I was praying in the best way I could, having just begun to study Christian Science, but my life felt in limbo. Family relationships had broken down because of some extreme circumstances; I was living alone and struggling with deep insecurities including dark fears of the future. My well-paid position as a teacher assured me that I could look forward to secure employment and a long career with a comfortable middle-class lifestyle. 

However, I felt dissatisfied and knew instinctively that this wouldn’t meet my need. I was convinced the ideas I was learning in studying the Bible through my understanding of Christian Science were what I was searching for. This was a new study for me, and it was reshaping my whole way of thinking. I could see its impact in better health and a marked improvement in the effectiveness of my work with students.  

You could say I had seen something of the kingdom of God and believed that I could discover more of its blessings. When I read an ad for teaching positions in an isolated part of the province I lived in, I felt I wanted to apply even if it would mean a radical change. I was quickly hired. By summer I had sold all my belongings and was ready to fly to this remote community I knew nothing about. However, Christian Science was teaching me that God would go before me and prepare the way. So I left on my journey with some excitement. 

Little did I realize the experiences that awaited me in this new job would make me question if God was really there to bless me. The students were wonderful, a pleasure to teach, but I found myself under the authority of an itinerant principal who was ill equipped to direct a school. When he was absent, he had chosen an inexperienced teacher to make decisions that affected us all. As well, my roommate and I appeared incompatible and had stopped speaking, and we had no alternate housing. I began to withdraw from everyone, again feeling isolated. 

At Christmas the other teachers left to join family, while I had chosen to remain for the holidays. My sense of isolation was mirrored in the landscape around me of rock, tundra, relentless winds, and the ocean stretching endlessly. Although these had seemed beautiful some days, now they seemed to engulf me as insignificant.

The first gleam of light in my thought came as I opened my Bible one day. Inadvertently I turned to a verse that I had never read before. It stopped me in my mental tracks. The Apostle John wrote: “If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?” (I John 4:20).

I had stopped looking for my personal happiness in the circumstances around me. I was given a realization of my place in God's spiritual creation, where Love was supplying what I needed.

This wasn’t the help I had expected; this was a demand upon me. I sat looking out on the vast landscape from the picture window of my sunken living room while this message of love sank deeply into my consciousness. Slowly I began to rethink all that was going on in light of this new idea of needing to love my fellow men and women in spite of what was being done or said. This was a “no-exclusion” demand that I had to fulfill if I really claimed to love God. 

I began to realize some of the potential in this radical readjustment in my thought. I could see that I no longer needed to feel excluded by unfair or even wrong circumstances; love was the one factor to consider. I am convinced that leaning on this new-found sense of love for God and for everyone around me as a solution to my problems allowed me to realize the allness and power of divine Love the next day when I desperately needed it.

I was again seated in the living room, this time consumed by depressing fears about the emptiness of my life. I just felt overwhelmed by the weight of them and mentally reached out in prayer. Three words came clearly to me: “God is love” (I John 4:8). Again there was no question as to their meaning or reality for me; I held to this simple statement. 

As I went over and over the words, the presence and power of God’s love for me filled my consciousness. Suddenly I was aware only of a very tangible sense of Love, of God having created me, everyone, and everything spiritual and good. That revelation brought with it the assurance that there was no element of sorrow or harm within God’s creation. Within minutes I felt a total release from the awful fears and emptiness and instead felt peace and great joy. It was the holiest Christmas I could ever have hoped for.

Over the next few days, I continued to dwell on these thoughts and let them direct my prayer and study. When the school year resumed, I was looking forward to returning to school. I was still filled with this great sense of love for everyone around me. It allowed me to resume a normal relationship with my roommate. In my conversations with other teachers I found opportunities to refer to their strengths, and I began to enjoy their company once more. I found myself included in discussions about issues concerning us all, and others were interested in hearing my views.

Suddenly there was a lot more good than upset in my life, for which I was grateful. As I look back on this time, it has become clear to me what unlocked this great blessing. God had “given me the kingdom” by showing me how I had a part in receiving what He had to give. 

Jesus explains it this way in the lines preceding his above-mentioned statement of God’s intention to give us His kingdom: “And seek not ye what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, neither be ye of doubtful mind. For all these things do the nations of the world seek after: and your Father knoweth that ye have need of these things. But rather seek ye the kingdom of God; and all these things shall be added unto you” (Luke 12:29–31).

In turning to God to find an answer, I had stopped looking for my personal happiness in the circumstances around me. I was given a realization of my place in God’s spiritual creation, where Love was supplying what I needed. Equally important was the realization that everyone else was part of this divine kingdom as well. My real need was to express and live the love that had come so clearly to me, displacing my sense of emptiness and want. This was the blessing I had sought and it was evidenced in improved harmony around me. 

I left the island community the following year to live in a large city, where I settled and began to establish my life. I eventually met the man who is now my husband and have enjoyed a fulfilling career as a mother and teacher. Indeed all these wonderful things were added unto me, but the blessing I continue to cherish is my realization of what Love, God, is and who I am as God’s child. I have been able to rely on this understanding often in the challenges I’ve faced since then, and my continued study of Christian Science has brought many new insights into my relationship with God. 

Although it can sometimes take some years of turning to God for an answer when we are faced with a challenging situation, we can know that God is always there to move us forward. We may mistakenly believe our struggling means God does not care about us, but God’s blessings are always present.