HOPE, TO ME, IS A JOYOUS GIFT that's graciously given by God and is a means of expressing our faith in Him. Hope gives one the strength and courage to overcome anything, even a persistent illness.

When I entered college, I was faced with chronic symptoms that indicated to me a bladder infection. These symptoms were uncomfortable and disruptive to my daily activities.

Throughout my life, I'd learned to rely on God for healing because as I understood it in Christian Science, God was Love, and Love was completely good. Since God was omnipotent, this meant that the love He had for me, as His child, was also all-powerful. There was no room for sickness in His kingdom, because sickness and disease were not a part of the good that God created.

However, after about a year of praying about this situation on my own, there wasn't improvement. I felt like I was going through "all the right steps" in my prayers. But months were passing and I still could see no difference. In fact, the constant infections worsened, and I made the decision to seek medical attention. I struggled very deeply with this decision because I didn't want to somehow admit "defeat" and turn to a kind of treatment that, although practiced with good intentions, seemed unreliable and unfamiliar to me. At the time, I also felt that by seeking a medical solution, I was losing my faith in God—along with my hope for healing—and letting Him down. But I came to see that this could never be true. God always loves us because like Him, Love is everlasting and is never given on a whim. God does not judge us, and He certainly would never love me any less for making a certain decision.

The doctors I ended up visiting were very kind and respected the fact that I didn't want to take several different kinds of medicine. With each visit, I talked with the doctors, mentioning that I wanted to be as free of pills as possible. After a little over a year of treatment, a specialist informed me that I had a rare condition that was not responding to antibiotics. There was no known medical cure and very little I could do except to simply accept the condition as a part of my life and manage it. I was advised to accept repeated infections and to live my life as normally as possible.

When I was given this bleak news, I became very angry about my situation. I'd like to say instead that I was filled up instantly with the knowledge that only God had the power to truly heal me, but instead I was very bitter and frustrated because it seemed there was absolutely no hope!

I felt very dismayed as I questioned my ability to heal. Although I still loved God and wanted to rely on Him, my anger contributed to this sense of hopelessness. I felt that nothing more could be done for me.

So I called my mom, who is also a Christian Scientist. I'd previously talked to her about what I'd been dealing with, and she'd been supportive of the choices I was making on my own. At this point, I really felt like I needed to take a step in a spiritual direction and decided to turn to her for some guidance. It was during that conversation that I started to realize that the first step toward a spiritual healing was that I needed to let go of my anger and express gratitude for all of the people, including the doctors, who'd spent time trying to help me.

I started by simply saying "thank you," both out loud and mentally, letting go of my frustration and concentrating solely on feeling grateful for everyone and every good thing in my life. Declaring my gratitude in this way helped to reaffirm my connection with God. I began to realize that the healing power of gratitude was the key not only to cleansing my thoughts, but to healing as well. This realization happened in a matter of minutes, as I felt instantly filled with a sense of peace and tranquility. I knew at that moment that God really was the only healer. He had been all along! I'd needed to open my thoughts and receive the healing that He was sending me. Hope was rushing into my thoughts—not only reestablishing my expectancy of permanent healing but confirming my newfound faith in God. He was the only power on which I needed to rely, and I truly loved Him for His care right then and there.

I discovered that gratitude instantly dissolves fear, and I had the sensation of being filled up with God's love. It was impossible for me to feel anything but the happiness, joy, and purity of God, because God was present all around me. There could be no imperfections, such as disease, in divine Life. And because of this, I was nothing less than a perfect reflection of that purity.

With this realization, I turned to Science and Health and read, "To those leaning on the sustaining infinite, to-day is big with blessings" (p. vii). I knew, without a doubt, that God could heal me, and that this healing would be complete and would last forever. There was no need to accept the diagnosis that I would have to deal with this disease for the rest of my life, because God does not work in falsities. He is completely pure and good.

Instantly, I smiled, knowing without a doubt that I'd experienced healing. The simple recognition that I could always turn to God, even when it seemed everything was going downhill, filled me with gratitude for the deep and unending supply of God's love.

I'd lived with and managed the condition while relying on medical help, but as soon as I shifted my thoughts to prayer and relied on God for my healing, I experienced physical freedom within the hour. The symptoms of infection were simply gone, and have never come back in the year since. I've felt wonderful.

What's more, my hope and faith in God's healing love haven't wavered and remain a dominant part of my daily prayer. CSS