Article July 7, 2008 Issue

Me and a midlife crisis

BY LAURA MOLITER

"I THINK I'm having a midlife crisis!" I heard myself saying between sobs. I have to admit, it sure felt as if I'd been experiencing an extended period of confusion, frustration, and sadness. My emotions swung between regretting past choices (or at least repeatedly questioning them) and feeling that the future held little hope.

This attitude was totally unlike me. It certainly didn't align with my general view of life or with my work as a spiritual healer. The knowledge of this dichotomy led to self-condemnation and a feeling of hypocrisy. How could I help others find freedom from similar feelings I wondered, if I was nose-deep in them myself and unable to swim to shore?

A familiar Bible pharse, "Physician, heal thyself," rang in my ears. I was feeling, to a degree, the weight of that accusation that Jesus had anticipated coming from his critics—that though he might preach and teach and cure others, was he also able to bring healing to himself? Of course he was, I thought. God's grace never failed him. I realized that God's grace had been with me every day, too, giving me a sense of clarity through the fog and helping me answer friends' calls for help. This gave me a feeling of peace and gratitude. But finding freedom from the grips of the "crisis" continued to elude me.

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