RELATIONSHIPS February 11, 2008 Issue

BUILDING A LIFE TO SHARE

JEAN H. JENKINS

"if You Build It, he will come." That line was made famous in the 1989 movie Field of Dreams, in which an Iowa farmer, played by Kevin Costner, hears a voice telling him to build "it"—a baseball diamond in his cornfiled. The farmer, who is on the verge of bankruptcy and has no idea who "he" is, is compelled to obey. This leap of faith sets into motion events that lead to great healing and prosperity in his life.

Of course, this inspirational story can be interpreted in different ways. And the "he" doesn't have to refer to a person. For me, the movie's message about obedience and trust was especially meaningful and key to fulfilling a desire that I'd kept close for many years—the desire to share my life with someone through marriage. With the current popularity of dating websites, magazine articles, and books about finding the right "match," I can look back and see that my desire was a common one.

As a young woman, I'd always expected that I'd be married at some point, but was in no rush. I wanted to have a broad range of experiences on my own, and I assumed that, at the right time, I would end up meeting that special someone. Over time, I graduated from college and then graduate school. I started a career, bought a condo, and traveled to fascinating places. I dated some interesting men throughout my 20s and 30s, and appreciated each of them for their unique individuality. But nothing really "clicked" or led to a permanent commitment.