"Hey, Rebecca, did you hear about Eric...?”
It spreads like wildfire — online, on the phone, in the hallway at school. Find out what some students at a Sunday School in Wellesley, Massachusetts, have to say about gossip, and the spiritual approach they are taking to help stop it in its tracks.
GOSSIP ... WHAT'S THE MOTIVE?
Madison: I think people gossip to boost their self-confidence, by putting others down.
Sara: Sometimes people gossip because they feel insecure. Rumors are often started by people who are jealous, or who want to feel part of a group. Rumors also get started from misunderstandings.
Henry: People gossip because of jealousy, ambition, or out of a sense of self-importance. When you read or hear gossip, it's good to examine the motives for it and the source.
Lindsay: When someone knows something bad about another person, if they're a gossip, they'll tell someone else in order to look clever.
Abby A.: If people have gossip to spread about a popular person, they think it makes them popular they think they'll get attention because they know something everyone else doesn't know.
Andrew: I think of gossip as a drug. Some people get addicted to it because they think it's enjoyable and it benefits them.
GOSSIP HURTS
Lily: Sometimes gossip begins with the truth, but then people get it wrong and say hurtful, false things.
Sara: One of my friends thought that she wasn't being noticed and tried to become really popular by eavesdropping on everyone. She heard all of these secrets and then spread them. Everyone got mad at her. She may have been popular for about four minutes, but she lost a whole lot of friends. She tried to say, “Sorry,” but she had spread some pretty bad stuff.
Abby A.: Gossip usually hurts the person who gossiped in the first place.
Patricia: In France, where I'm from, people gossip just as much as in the US. I think girls gossip more than boys, but when boys gossip, that can really hurt ... especially when they talk about girls. But I've learned a lot about handling different situations thanks to Christian Science. It's taught me to be more patient, open, and to try to be really understanding.
“THERE GOES THE HOCKEY THUG”
Madison: We found an interesting quote from Science and Health when we were talking in our Sunday School class about gossip. It says: “Society is a foolish juror, listening only to one side of the case. Justice often comes too late to secure a verdict” (p. 238 ). To me this is saying that when rumors are spread, people often accept them as true before the truth has a chance to come out.
Josh: I was hanging out with my friends in the hallway, watching people go by. There was a new kid in school, who was an amazing hockey player. My two friends remarked, “Hey, there goes that new hockey thug. I bet he drinks a lot of beer and is a real party animal.” Luckily, he didn't hear them.
The next week I heard Kyle, a kid who was friends with all the hockey players, say, “You know so-and-so? Well, he was at a party and was offered beer and he replied, ‘No. I don't drink. That's just not who I am.’ ” I realized then that stereotypes aren't fair.
The Golden Rule in different faiths
Hurt not others in ways that you
yourself would find hurtful.
BUDDHISM
What is hateful to you, do not
to your fellow man. That is the entire Law;
all the rest is commentary.
JUDAISM
Do unto others as you would have them
do unto you.
CHRISTIANITY
No one of you is a believer until he desires for his
brother that which he desires for himself.
ISLAM
This is the sum of duty: Do naught
to others that which if done to thee
would cause pain.
HINDUISM
source: www.bcca.org.
ALSO SEE: www.onenessonline.com.
HOW TO STOP THE RUMOR MILL
Abby A.: For me, the solution to ending gossip is simple. It's really just practicing the Golden Rule: Treat people how you would want to be treated. I also liked this modern translation of the Bible quote “Judge not, that ye be not judged” from The Message: “Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults — unless, of course, you want the same treatment” (Matthew 7:1 ).
Henry: Jesus set an example of what to do even when the gossip appears to be true. When he ran into the people about to stone a woman who they said had committed adultery, he was really quiet. Then he said, “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her” (John 8:7 ). Then he forgave the woman. Jesus just didn't accept the label people were placing on this woman. This shows the importance of how you respond to labels and gossip. Your response can change the entire situation.
Elodie: In my school, there was a lot of gossiping going on. The administrators of the school finally called everyone together to tackle the problem. Their solution was a simple phrase: “I forgive you.” We learned that if you say that to the gossiper, it confronts them and takes away their power.
Patricia: When I arrived in the US from France last year, there was a girl who helped me find my way around and feel comfortable. I trusted her 100 percent. I told her EVERYTHING. Then I found out she was telling only bad things, and some very personal stuff about me, to someone else I cared about. I was so disappointed I cried for a whole night. I still have a hard time forgiving her completely, but I'm working on it. I know for sure that I would have been mean to her if I hadn't learned a lot in Sunday School. This quote by Mary Baker Eddy really helped me: “We must love our enemies in all the manifestations wherein and whereby we love our friends; must even try not to expose their faults, but to do them good whenever opportunity occurs” (Miscellaneous Writings, p. 11 ).
Lindsay: You have to love both the one who is gossiping and the victim of gossip for who they are. God never made either a mean person or a hurt person. God sees each of us exactly how He made us — good. So we have to try to see ourselves and others the same way.
