Article December 24, 2001 Issue

To someone who has lost a loved one

(adapted from a real letter)

By Laurie Husselbee

There's So Much I want to say that I hope will be helpful. Of course, I know that God is always sending love to you. And I know that you trust that your wife is safe in God's care, just as she has always been. I know you loved her very much, and I believe you've already "released" her.

Restoring myself was difficult after my husband, Bill, died. I was so focused on releasing him that I spent a long time not taking other steps I needed to take. He and I were so compatible that I referred to him as my soulmate. We often had the same ideas at the same time. The pitfall in all that is the concept of being half a person who needs the other half to make you whole. Then, if the other person is gone, you're left with being half a person again.

I struggled with that for a long time. Suddenly alone, I couldn't figure out what it was I wanted. I was caught up in emotions that were foreign to me. It was the loneliest time of my life. Since I couldn't stand to sit down at the table alone, I literally walked the floor with my plate when I ate at home. When I went out to eat, I sat at counters so I'd have someone to talk to. Strangers were temporary friends. I couldn't get to sleep at night because I felt lonely without someone next to me. I'm telling you about all this so you'll know that I speak from experience ... and because I'd like to help you avoid that kind of pain. We don't have to go through life feeling damaged by this kind of loss.

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