Mark Twain on Osteopathy

Boston Herald

Albany, N. Y., February 27, 1901.—"Mark Twain" was the feature of the hearing to-day on the bill to license osteopathy in the state—that is, Mr. Clemens appeared with the advocate of the bill, but he did not seriously ask for the bill's passage or urge the benefits of the cult. He said.

"I find myself almost in embarrasing circumstances. A circumstance that I am rarely in. If I ever had a purpose in being here, these debaters knocked it out. They use terms that I don't understand, and I don't see how you can understand them. What impresses me is the way these doctors call off the names of all the diseases in the world. If makes me envious of the man who has had them all. I am an experimenter. I have had a number of disease, but am willing to take more, but want to distribute them among not only doctors, but the mountebanks.

"I came here to listen, and did not expect to speak, but now that I am here, and am to speak, I am glad of it, but there are others who are to show you osteopathy. I want the liberty of trying it.

"Adam probably did not want the apple until he found he couldn't have it. I wouldn't have taken, one apple, but the whole crop. I hold my mother responsible for my desire for experiment. She experimented on me. I did not enjoy it then, but I do now. When my mother heard of a new cure, she didn't select one from the flock hazardly. No. She chose judiciously, and chose the one she could spare—which was myself.

"How well do I remember the water cure away back in 1842. It was tried on me. I was a boy about seven years of age, and every morning that I got up I had a bucket of ice-cold water thrown over me, and then came the rubbing with warm blankets. After that I was wrapped in a sheet wet with ice water and put to bed. And the perspiration that used to come out in that bed—but, fortunately, the bed was supplied with a life preserver.

"Why, you should have seen the yellow color of that sheet when they took it off me; but it was only the outpourings of my conscience, just spiritual outpourings, and, fortunately, it removed all that, so that I am not troubled with it now.

"When a boy my mother three times tried new remedies of me, and they left me so low that they had to pull me out by the means of the family doctor. I like osteopathy. It is quicker, and you don't have to take any medicine, so I want liberty to do with my physical body as I choose, and experiment as much as possible."

The hearing was a largely attended one, and lasted some hours, without any final decision by the committee. The physicians present argued against the bill in the same strain as they had previously against the Christian Science bill.

Boston Herald.

Send a comment to the editors

We'd love to hear from you!

Easily submit your testimonies, articles, and poems online.

Submit