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Resentment-free
I learned an amazing life-lesson about the liberating power of forgiveness when my first husband left our 24-year marriage. At that time a friend said, “Don’t be bitter, as I was for 30 years.” Her comment made it so clear to me that bitterness and resentment are hellish states of thought. So I decided to focus all my attention on forgiveness. Also, I had been studying Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount in the Bible, so I knew my Christian faith demanded complete forgiveness (see Matthew 5—7). But how could I get to that point?
Looking back on that experience, I see that forgiveness began with a desire to act rightly and love more, no matter what. I prayed for myself every day, affirming my ability to love purely and forgive, because God, who is Love itself, has designed us to. I included my ex-husband in my prayers, claiming his right to go forward into all good.
On several occasions, when battling a fierce bout of anger or grief, I called a Christian Science practitioner to pray with me. Those were times of special spiritual growth. It became clear that no one and no action could interrupt the good, love, provision, and opportunities constantly flowing from God to me and everyone. Therefore, what did I need to forgive? I’d never really lost anything. I felt complete as I saw wonderful possibilities all around.
I began trying new things: attending community contra dances, singing with a friend in a choral group, hiking, walking, and biking more regularly. Though I was living on a very tight budget, two affordable opportunities for travel to Europe opened up in the first few years following my divorce. Most important, the scope of my love expanded and I regularly found time to visit a couple of dear home-bound seniors. I also became more responsive and compassionate toward the needs of others.
About a year after my marriage ended, I answered the phone one day to hear my ex-husband on the line. He had a question about one of our sons and we ended up talking for over an hour—the first real talk we’d had since he’d left. It was the most amazing conversation. I felt absolutely no ill will toward him and no emotional attachment. I was completely at peace and knew my prayer to forgive had been fully answered.
And so it has been proven in the dozen-plus years since that conversation. I feel only goodwill toward my former husband as I have moved joyfully into new ventures, including a cherished new marriage with a very special man. My ex-husband has also moved forward into a successful new marriage. Practicing and achieving complete forgiveness freed me up for a wealth of adventure and new friendships that I might not have experienced otherwise.
There is another wonderful benefit to practicing forgiveness. When we stop condemning others, it makes no sense to continue condemning ourselves. Self-forgiveness frees us up to grow, rather than be fixated on our failings. I did a lot of soul-searching during and after the divorce, and in that process many unworthy character traits and selfish habits were uncovered. With a higher and purer love in my heart, it was natural to forgive myself and begin letting go of those unworthy things. Those years resulted in tremendous personal and spiritual growth, for which I am especially grateful.
It is the most blissful feeling to be resentment-free! I now strive to forgive instantly when necessary, and it’s easier for me to do, now that I’ve been given this great lesson. If anyone reading this is dealing with a situation that seems impossible to overcome or forgive, I urge you: Don’t give up. Don’t stop praying until you understand that nothing ever did or ever could alter your status as God’s beloved child or put an end to the infinite blessings that flow from that relationship. It’s worth the work!
—Ellen Austin, Corvallis, Oregon