Q: I received some harsh criticism from my teacher on an essay. It felt personal and made me really upset. I’m not sure what to do. 

A: I’m a writer. And recently I shared something I wrote with a friend. I was nervous, but I was proud of the work I’d done, and because we’re friends, I thought she’d be kind about it.

That was not the case. She tore it apart. 

I was really upset. Her feedback wasn’t even the type I’d asked for. It felt like a personal attack. Her suggestions seemed unfair, and she didn’t really understand the point I was trying to make.

For a while, I stewed in my anger. I found myself questioning whether I was even good at writing. If my friend didn’t like my writing, then it wasn’t good—and I wasn’t a good writer—right? That’s why her criticism felt so personal: It felt like my self-worth was at stake. 

I knew it wasn’t a good idea to talk to my friend when I was upset. So instead, I decided to pray. At the very least, I just wanted to feel better.

In Christian Science Sunday School, I’d learned exactly what my relation to God is. Here’s how the Bible puts it: “In him we live, and move, and have our being; . . . For we are also his offspring” (Acts 17:28).

I found myself questioning whether I was even good at writing. If my friend didn’t like my writing, then it wasn’t good—and I wasn’t a good writer—right?

Mary Baker Eddy, who discovered Christian Science, expanded on this idea in Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures: “As a drop of water is one with the ocean, a ray of light one with the sun, even so God and man, Father and son, are one in being” (p. 361). So any right and productive thing I do, including writing, is an expression of God, good. God’s qualities, such as creativity, joy, and intelligence, are inherent in me and in everything I do. I don’t need to work toward having or earning goodness or worth. 

This gave me a brand-new perspective. I realized that I had been so focused on what this friend thought that it hadn’t occurred to me that I was searching for my worth as a writer in the wrong place. 

When I turned to God, I found that I could still be proud of what I’d written. My writing was an expression of good, joy, beauty, light, humor, and intelligence. In other words, it expressed God. That was something that couldn’t be diminished or taken away, no matter what someone else said. 

Does this mean that what I’d written didn’t need work? Of course not. I can always improve. And because I love writing, I always want to improve. 

As I thought more about my relation to God and the fact that He is the only creator, my anger dissolved. Suddenly, what my friend had said about my writing didn’t feel like the biggest thing in the world anymore. So she didn’t like what I’d written. That didn’t make me a bad writer. It also didn’t mean that what I’d written was bad. She had suggestions that I didn’t agree with, but that really was OK. 

Now I look to God for my worth. Now I recognize and appreciate constructive comments that will make me a better writer, and I don’t let the rest bother me. 

I also knew that since I am one with God, Love, this meant that my friend is, too. I didn’t need to hold anything against her. She’s the expression of Love, just as I am, and we both reflect all of God’s qualities. I knew I could see her this way, even if I didn’t like all of her feedback.

I went back through her edits with a clear head. I found a few that resonated with me and that I knew would make my writing stronger. But I let everything else go. And I was OK with that—and with her. 

Learning how to discern between what’s really helpful and what’s just my own ego or fear getting in the way has helped immensely with my writing. That’s not to say that I don’t care what people say. But now I look to God for my worth. Now I recognize and appreciate constructive comments that will make me a better writer, and I don’t let the rest bother me. 

Maybe you can do the same when you look again at your teacher’s comments on your essay. What did they share that’s helpful and that you can learn from? And what criticism are you reacting to that’s bringing up your own issues of worth, or other things you might need to deal with? That tells you what you can pray about—and where seeing yourself as God’s expression, always good and capable, can help you. 

There’s nothing wrong with getting another perspective. In fact, it’s one of the best ways to become better at something. But if we lean on God to tell us who we are, we will feel more steady about receiving feedback, even if it’s not all positive. And knowing that all that we are flows out from God will also allow us to give our best to the world because we know our source is infinite good. And that’s absolutely good enough!