What if our path looks different than we expect?
I thought I had my life planned out. By my senior year of high school, I knew where I was going to college, what I was going to study, and what I wanted to do with my life.
I was confident that this was my path, and I was scared about what might happen if I strayed from it.
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As I settled into my dorm during move-in weekend at college, I suddenly felt unwell and incapable of doing anything. I realized that I needed to pray, which is what I do when I’m in a tough situation. Maybe I was just having a bad day, but it felt like it was something else, something deeper.
I thought I was going to disappoint those around me if my life didn’t pan out the way I’d planned.
So I called people who I knew would give me spiritual support: my mom and a Christian Science practitioner. After talking to them, I realized I needed to be real with myself. I didn’t want to admit that maybe I’d been wrong—that this school wasn’t where I wanted to be—and I was afraid it would disappoint those around me if my life didn’t pan out the way I’d planned.
In tears, I tried to read the passages from the Bible and Mary Baker Eddy’s writings that the practitioner had shared with me, but I didn’t understand anything.
This thought kept coming to me, though: that I should go home. From reading Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mrs. Eddy, I knew about angel messages—specific thoughts from God. Before, I’d never been certain that I’d recognized one. This time, however, I was sure this was one. I felt calmer when I heard that message. In that moment of prayer, I felt so close to God. I knew that because God is good, He would only give me direction that was good and that only blessings could come from following the angel message.
The moment I made the decision to go home, the sickness disappeared. Two days later, I left college.
But after arriving home, I still had no direction, no clue what to do or where to go next, and it felt really scary to be without a plan. It took me a while and a lot of prayer to understand that I wasn’t a failure and that this was an opportunity to learn more about God. I also learned how to let go of what I thought was best for me in order to make room for hearing about the good that God had in store for me.
During my semester off, while I was traveling, my mom suggested I spend a day at a nearby college, so I sat in on some classes on a random Monday. Everything I felt I’d been missing at the other college was present on this campus: the openness of others, opportunities for growth and connection, and an atmosphere of love. I applied to the college before I left for home.
I started freshman year not knowing my major, and that was OK. I knew that as long as I was in a place where I felt comfortable enough to grow, that would develop. I learned the importance of humility—knowing that everything would work out because I recognized that God is truly the One in control. I see with more clarity now that no matter where we are, ever-present, omnipotent God, Love, is always with us, always guiding us, and that we can let go of our own plans and lean on Him.
I see with more clarity now that no matter where we are, ever-present, omnipotent God, Love, is always with us, always guiding us, and that we can let go of our own plans and lean on Him.
Now that I’m nearing the end of my college experience, I’m still trusting God in this new chapter of my life. I’ve been thinking about a passage that the Christian Science practitioner shared with me on my very first day on campus. It says, “As an active portion of one stupendous whole, goodness identifies man with universal good. Thus may each member of this church rise above the oft-repeated inquiry, What am I? to the scientific response: I am able to impart truth, health, and happiness, and this is my rock of salvation and my reason for existing” (Mary Baker Eddy, The First Church of Christ, Scientist, and Miscellany, p. 165).
I know that, as part of that “one stupendous whole,” I always have a place and a purpose, which I can see more clearly as I continue to listen to God. And even if my path doesn’t end up looking the way I thought it would, I know that because it’s God-directed, it has to be good.