Healed of anorexia
Originally appeared online in the teen series Your Healings - August 27, 2024.
In high school, I was really focused on body image and beauty. I spent a lot of time comparing myself to other girls. This led me to feel that I needed to lose weight to become what I thought was attractive. I started restricting my food intake, exercising to burn calories, and weighing myself to check my “progress.”
Even though I grew severely thin and was obviously endangering myself, I didn’t care. I still had a negative view of myself and continued to look for beauty in my ever-thinning image in the mirror.
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Before this, I’d always loved reading the Bible and Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker Eddy and attending Christian Science Sunday School. But as I slipped further into these disordered behaviors, my love for spiritual growth diminished. I felt more and more apathetic about God, Christian Science, and church. It seemed like I was stuck in a downward spiral.
Over time, my parents noticed that my eating habits had changed and that my body looked unhealthy. Although I never told them about the anorexic thoughts I was dealing with, I knew that they were supporting me by praying for me daily. They also provided the types of food I was willing to eat, took me to Sunday School, and encouraged me to turn to God for healing.
I continued to look for beauty in my ever-thinning image in the mirror.
After engaging in this unhealthy behavior for a while, I finally felt led to dive back into reading the Bible and studying Science and Health along with it. What I read in Science and Health explained the spiritual meaning of the Bible and helped connect the ideas in the Bible to my everyday life.
I loved reading the first chapter of Genesis in the Bible. It describes who we really are—our spiritual identity—this way: “And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them” (verses 26–28).
As I studied these verses, I realized that I had been hoping my body would tell me who I am or confirm something about my identity. But this hope was empty from the outset because we are made in God’s image. The Bible tells us that God is Spirit, so we are Spirit’s own image. That means that our true identity is spiritual and can never be known or assessed by what’s in the mirror.
I started to see that this spiritual image is the true and only representation of who I am. Then one day this passage from Science and Health grabbed my attention and helped me understand this idea even more deeply: “Now compare man before the mirror to his divine Principle, God. Call the mirror divine Science, and call man the reflection. Then note how true, according to Christian Science, is the reflection to its original” (pp. 515–516). Spirit is my original, so as Spirit’s image or reflection, I am and do only what Spirit is and does. I am pure because Spirit is pure. I am good because God is only good. Although I wasn’t able to put this into words at the time, I can see now that I was beginning to understand this new concept of myself as the image of divine Spirit rather than a physical body.
I started to identify beautiful spiritual qualities of God that constitute who I am.
I started to identify beautiful spiritual qualities of God that constitute who I am. Some of these are boundless joy, compassion, trust, and intelligence. I also realized that these qualities are eternally consistent—unlike changing standards of physical beauty. And although an expression of joy may be noticed through a smile, spiritual qualities themselves can’t be measured by looking in a mirror.
Through my prayers and study, I started to feel satisfied and grateful to see myself as God’s reflection. I also loved attending my local Christian Science Sunday School again.
My mistaken obsession with trying to find satisfaction in the mirror fell away naturally, and so did all the unhealthy habits. Without worrying about what I was eating, I also returned to a healthy weight.
Six years later, this healing has remained solid and unshakable. I now thoroughly enjoy cooking, eating ice cream, skiing, and running for all the right reasons.
It’s clear to me today that studying the Bible and Science and Health was the most effective step toward overcoming—and permanently healing—anorexic thoughts and habits. My entire viewpoint was transformed, and I began living with a newfound love for God, myself, and those around me. I also found great joy in expressing my God-given beautiful qualities through daily activities. I am forever grateful for this healing.