Journey into Christian Science and forgiveness

In Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, Mary Baker Eddy writes this about moving from belief to understanding: “Until belief becomes faith, and faith becomes spiritual understanding, human thought has little relation to the actual or divine” (p. 297). A year ago I was graced with an experience that nudged me toward understanding. To explain this healing, I need to go back to my childhood. 

My parents faced many challenges in the years that my siblings and I were growing up. When these challenges became overwhelming, they lashed out at each other and at us, verbally and physically. We were raised in a conservative branch of Christianity and taught to regard God as punishing. In those days I believed that a righteous angel was waiting to catch me in sin and paint a black mark on my soul. When my soul was entirely black, I would be sent to hell. 

Thus, in the aftermath of these experiences of abuse, I found no refuge in God. Instead, I assumed my siblings and I deserved punishment, and I feared that worse still awaited us in eternity. Not surprisingly, I developed a phobia that a hill behind our house was an active volcano.

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