Testimony of Healing September 23, 2019 Issue

Self-consciousness, fear of public speaking overcome

Bonnie Dunbar Yoshinobu

I grew up in a military family, which meant moving several times. With each move, I found myself becoming increasingly self-conscious, shy, and sensitive.

I attended a Christian Science Sunday School, where I learned that I reflect God, the one Mind. As I prayed about the self-consciousness, I began to reason with the fact that there was only one Mind—that there wasn’t one human mind to judge and another to be judged—and this truth helped me. I knew that God is Love, and that I am safe in Love. Mary Baker Eddy’s statement that “sensitiveness is sometimes selfishness” (Message to The Mother Church for 1900, p. 8) was also helpful, and I tried to think more unselfishly and not be so sensitive about what I thought others might be thinking about me.

While making some progress, I still had difficulty speaking in public. My first year in college I took a public speaking class, and all the old fears and self-consciousness cropped back up. During the first assignment, I was so nervous that I completely lost my voice and simply stood in front of the class, unable to speak. The instructor sent me to a speech therapist, who tried to engage me in conversation, but I sat in silence. He declared that my problem was simply a “voice change” and that I would be fine, and sent me on my way. This didn’t make sense to me; I knew the problem was fear.

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