Testimony of Healing May 26, 2014 ISSUE

Spiritual light overcomes dark thoughts

Mary Langworthy

About 40 years ago, when I was starting Christian Science nurses’ training after I graduated from college, a bleak sense of impenetrable darkness—feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness—settled on me one night, to the point that suicide seemed not just a reasonable option but the next best step.

A Sunday School teacher had alerted me some years before to emphatically resist even passing thoughts of suicide. The dark feelings were now more than just passing thoughts, and I knew I needed help.

It was around midnight, I think, because I resisted calling a dear Christian Science practitioner who lived nearby, who was also my Christian Science teacher. He would have gladly taken that call for help, but I didn’t want to wake him up.

I was living in Boston at the time, and I thought I’d call someone on the West Coast, where the time difference made it a more reasonable hour. I knew a couple of Christian Science practitioners there, but when I tried to call them, I couldn’t reach them.

So I tried my parents in Los Angeles, who were always very supportive. They were home but were giving a party, so I decided not to bother them. I just said, “Hi” and “Bye,” and hung up.

I then sank deeper into the quicksand of despair. I thought, “All right, no person can help me—this is between me and God.” I opened Prose Works, a compilation of many of Mary Baker Eddy’s published writings, and came upon a passage I’d never read before in The First Church of Christ, Scientist, and Miscellany: “As an active portion of one stupendous whole, goodness identifies man with universal good. Thus may each member of this church rise above the oft-repeated inquiry, What am I? to the scientific response: I am able to impart truth, health, and happiness, and this is my rock of salvation and my reason for existing” (p. 165 ).

The “scientific response” in the passage mentioned above really hit me. Could anything be more to the point? My reason for living is my innate ability, my inalienable ability, “to impart truth, health, and happiness.” Thoughts of suicide just disappeared.

This healing has served as a bright light for me in the years since, and I have never been overcome by thoughts of suicide again. During times when things have seemed bleak, instead of getting stuck in dark thoughts, I’ve had inspiring revelations about God’s love, and healings as a result. I’m so grateful for the healing truths that become apparent when we study Christian Science. Thank you, God!

Mary Langworthy
Los Alamos, New Mexico, US

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Testimony of Healing
God is always with us
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