Article June 18, 2007 Issue

BREAKING THE PULL OF PORNOGRAPHY

NAME WITHHELD

ALL MY ADULT LIFE I struggled to control my sexual drive. For many years, while a normal marital sexual relationship existed, there was no problem. When that aspect of my marriage relationship began to diminish, I turned to viewing pornography on the Internet for sexual release. As I can see now, that was a bad decision. I viewed pornography almost daily, with no thought about its effect on my well-being. Sometimes I mentally faced up to this impulse, but could not overcome it.

Several years ago, while on an outing with my children and having gone out in public against my better judgment, because of a severe case of flu, I fainted on public transit. Paramedics were called; they checked me out and recommended immediate hospitalization because of heart irregularities. I chose instead to rely on Christian Science treatment and called a practitioner to pray for me. Soon after that incident, I began to see how my physical condition and the mental condition, which included a complete lack of affection for my wife, had developed.

For the next two years, I greatly reduced the viewing of pornographic images, but still wasn't completely free of the desire. I made serious efforts to reestablish a loving, kind relationship with my wife, and there was progress, yet still room for improvement. At that point, as the result of both my suffering and the spiritual growth I was gaining through the study of Christian Science, I felt ready to completely abandon pornography. As I struggled to overcome this form of deceptive attraction, though, I noticed an increase in my physical difficulties, and better understood Mrs. Eddy's statement that "the healthy sinner is the hardened sinner" (Science and Health, p. 404). I realized that my suffering was only evidence of the carnal mind's resistance to its own destruction. I can now see so clearly the connection between my activities and their physical effects. My heart truly had been sick from a lack of purity, kindness, and affection.

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