RELATIONSHIPS August 28, 2006 Issue

IT BEGINS WITH US

PAMELA GUTHMAN

HAVE YOU EVER had to spend time with family members with whom you have little in common? Two years ago I did just that. Several of us who rarely see each other because of the distance between us—geographical as well as mental—got together for a week at an inn in the countryside.

After several days of feeling on the outside of conversation, and being placed at the far end of the tables at meals, I felt it might be best for me to leave a few days early. But it was well past the cancellation date, and it didn't seem right for the family to pay for a room that wouldn't be used. So, I guessed I had to grin and bear it. Or did I?

While alone in my room, struggling with feelings of rejection, loneliness, resentment, and isolation from the true spirit of family, I was reminded of the story in the Bible where Jacob found himself wrestling with something similar. His wrestling is described as a physical battle with an angel on the eve prior to reuniting with his estranged brother, Esau. We're told that Jacob didn't let the angel go until he got his blessing—a sense of peace about his own feelings toward his brother. The next morning when he went to meet Esau, whom Jacob had heard was looking to kill him, Esau instead ran to meet him and embraced him. Not the reaction most of us would have, but actually a response that brought healing and blessing to Jacob, his brother, and their families (see Gen., chaps. 32, 33).