RELATIONSHIPS March 17, 2008 Issue

NEVER A SAFE HARBOR FOR ENVY

COLETTE Y. CADWELL

HISTORY, LITERATURE, EVEN NEWS REPORTS illustrate how envy can create tension and drive people apart. For several years, envy had found a warm and cozy spot in my thinking. I nurtured it, fed it, cared for it. It took an invitation to my 50th highschool-class reunion for me to recognize that harboring envy was corrupting my peace and destroying my joy.

Anticipating this get-together brought back wonderful memories of growing up in South Dakota. Many of my friends had attended school with me from kindergarten all the way through high school. We'd been close. But despite an eagerness to reconnect with classmates, I felt envious of their achievements. After graduation, they'd gone on to college, then to careers in law, business, and the arts. One classmate played violin in a well-known chamber orchestra. Another became the chancellor of a prestigious university.

My path had been different. I'd married at 19 and worked as a stenographer to help put my husband through engineering school. For many years, whenever I could, I'd taken college courses while happily raising a family and participating in church, community, and business-related activities. On the weekend of our 40th wedding anniversary, I'd finally received my bachelor of arts degree. But the more I thought about seeing my friends at our reunion, the more I felt that my humble experience paled in comparison with their noble successes. I thought, "What can I, the 'late-bloomer,' tell them I've done?"