Years ago I found myself in a marriage that was anything but harmonious and loving. The mental abuse had started when my husband and I were dating. Comments about my clothing led to hurtful comments about me.

I wore what every other young girl was wearing at the time, but I adjusted what I wore to suit him. During this time, my husband became angry when I talked to other guys, so I kept to myself at social events and at everyday activities.

Looking back, I believe we felt mainly a physical attraction for one another. He was popular and handsome, and I dropped out of college to start a life with him. After we married, the physical abuse began almost right away. To make matters worse, we moved to a town located several hundred miles from my family, which kept me isolated.

Fights between us would start for no apparent reason—usually over something I said or did—and then I was beaten up. Many times after a fight I was forced into sex. I think as a result of the abuse, I suffered two miscarriages.

I couldn't understand why he acted this way. One day we would be enjoying an activity and the next he would be threatening my life. I felt brutally victimized but didn't know what to do about it. Even though I knew I could call the police, that thought increased my fear of being hurt. It didn't take long for my fun-loving, outgoing persona to change to that of a withdrawn and unhappy person.

The first time I left my husband, my family learned about the abuse. They encouraged me to leave him permanently. But I desperately wanted the marriage to work. When the abuse became intolerable, I began a pattern of escaping to my family while he was at work. With tears in his eyes, he would promise that he would never hurt me again, and because I thought I loved him, I repeatedly returned to him. Life would be good for a short time, but then the beating would start again.

One time, after days of abuse, I left him and stayed with my grandmother. She prayed for me and encouraged me to know that God's love was ever present, always protecting me. My grandmother was a lifelong Christian Scientist and had a conviction that God was Love itself, and the divine Principle of life. She would close our conversations by saying, "You are God's perfect idea, made in His image and likeness, and because you are His idea, no harm can come to you."

Although I wasn't practicing Christian Science during this time, I'd been raised in the religion and was always attracted to the presence of divine Love that I felt in my grandmother's home. This idea that I was actually spiritual, made in the divine Spirit's image, and that as a spiritual idea I was safe in His care, became a source of love to me, something that I wasn't receiving at home. And these thoughts also became my governing truths. Even though I returned home that time, too, I continued to hold these spiritual realities close, through all the fear and shame.

Then one day, after three years of marriage, I finally realized I'd had enough. The emotional fog lifted. I know now that it was divine Love waking me up and opening the door to freedom. The urge to stay in the marriage disappeared, and with the help of a friend I found a temporary home where I could live without fear. My employer allowed me to transfer so I could continue making a living. All the right things happened. I felt free for the first time, and knew there was no going back.

The spiritual truths I'd been thinking about since talking with my grandmother had become completely real to me. They penetrated the mental darkness, and healed me of the mesmeric attraction that had been keeping me in the relationship. A few months later, my husband lost interest in my whereabouts. When I filed for divorce, the abuse and my fear of it ended.

Since then, I've grown in my own study of Christian Science, and as a result the anger and resentment I once felt toward my former husband have disappeared. I now understand that abusive behavior and anger are counterfeit traits of the man of God's creation. I've learned to keep in my thought the true qualities of spiritual manhood, which include gentleness, compassion, and love. 

This shift in the way I think about myself and others has brought a complete healing, and uplifted my moral standards and practices. As Mary Baker Eddy once wrote: "Mortal error will vanish in a moral chemicalization. This mental fermentation has begun, and will continue until all errors of belief yield to understanding. Belief is changeable, but spiritual understanding is changeless" (Science and Health, p. 96).

I'm very grateful for my grandmother's love, and for God's healing power as it's revealed in Christian Science. The change that's taken place in my thoughts and actions has come directly from God, and the spiritual truths I've learned have transformed me. They represent the true facts of my being as a beloved daughter of God.

Later on, I remarried and have had a loving relationship with my second husband. I also went on to receive my business degree. Spiritual growth has enabled me to break through the error of physical victimization and find my way to the universal Truth that heals. css