PARENTING June 16, 2003 Issue

Room for understanding

By Ginny Luedeman

I Felt Forlorn . We had taken a teenage, Chinese American foster child into our hearts and home because she needed a place to stay for about a year, while she recovered from a mental breakdown. Our home was her last stop before returning to her family after a year at the state hospital.

We rearranged the bedrooms of our three other children so that Ling (not her real name) could have her own private space. I cooked meals that I thought would be like those of her homeland. We included her in our rather lavish gift-giving at Christmastime. And we bought her school clothes and holiday presents as if she were one of our own.

But she never once said, "Thank you." And that made me feel that she didn't appreciate our efforts. So resentment began to crowd in on me, even as I kept on giving and giving in hopes of connecting with her.

About the author

Ginny Luedeman is a Christian Science practitioner. She lives in Salem, Oregon, with her husband, Craig, and the two youngest of their six children.

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