Article April 22, 2002 Issue

Real men DON'T ABUSE WOMEN

The author of nine books on domestic violence sees positive effects as men break free of a distorted sense of manhood.

By Edward W. Gondolf

TWENTY YEARS AGO the popular book Real Men Don't Eat Quiche poked fun at men's efforts to open up and be more supportive in relationships. More recently, John Gray's Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, and its many offshoots, offer a somewhat more constructive response to the clash between the sexes. There is a more serious and even painful side to these clever titles, however. There are the glaring headlines of domestic violence. There are also the unrecorded millions of put-downs, the name calling, and power plays that chip away at the relationships between men and women.

According to so-called "victimization" research, men are responsible for the bulk of the violence and abuse. The saying we probably most need is "'Real men' don't abuse women."

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