Article August 21, 1989 Issue

"Blessed are they that mourn"

Even if we think we've turned away from God, His healing power is always available.

Jane K. Thatcher

A few years ago I faced grief that seemed almost overwhelming; I miscarried midway through my pregnancy. My feelings of self-pity and loss were overpowering. I had studied Christian Science for many years, and I once again turned to its teachings for comfort. This time as I studied the Bible and Mrs. Eddy's writings, however, I did not immediately find the comfort I sought.

I struggled for several months to overcome this grief. I began to feel God had turned away from me, as I felt I was turning away from Him. Although I called first one, then another Christian Science practitioner for prayerful help to heal my grief, I didn't really believe healing was possible. I felt only temporary relief. Month by month I slid deeper and deeper into depression. When I read the weekly Bible Lesson from the Christian Science Quarterly, I was just seeing words on a page. I wasn't, it seemed, taking in any of the deeper, spiritual messages. The only comfort I received came from the book of Job in the Bible. Many days, I lived through the day just to go to bed at night and sleep and forget.

I was turning away from God and not resisting the turning. Not only was I not finding that deep inner peace I so desperately needed; I was no longer really seeking it. I cried often. One of the practitioners who had helped me earlier was aware of this, and when she was available to pray for me once again, I agreed to have her do this.

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