"Diversities of gifts"

Most of us have at some time gazed longingly at another's smooth-sailing life and wished ours were as free from temptation, misfortune, and trial. Has the question of fairness or justice ever crossed your mind? "What did that person do to deserve such a paved pathway?" you might be wondering.

One day while feeling particularly low and disappointed, I realized I had been comparing myself with a person I loved very dearly and respected. Why couldn't my life have been more free from lessons learned through suffering? When I humbled myself enough to admit and uncover the error, I discovered I was trying to stifle feelings of jealousy, envy, and anger toward this person, who always seemed happy and free. When there was a difficulty to meet, his joy and expectancy of good almost always dissolved it instantly. Instead of rejoicing with him, I would wonder if there was something wrong with me. In the meantime, what was happening to my sense of self-worth?

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April 25, 1983

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