How I learned not to dread finals
Final exam time in college always felt like a season of its own. I have to admit: I embraced it. Stress, tears, and lack of sleep were just part of the college experience. Or so I thought.
During my sophomore year, I was down to my last assignment. I had a day and a half to finish a lengthy essay. I went to the library early and spent the day writing before returning to my dorm for a dinner break. The deadline was looming, and the paper was not flowing as easily as I had hoped. But I had a sense of how to finish it. Then things quickly fell apart. Literally.
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When I picked up my laptop to return to the library, the battery fell out. Today, that might not sound like a big deal: Everything is saved to the cloud, right? But this was during the dark ages … in other words, the land before Google Drive. Even worse, the laptop I was using was borrowed from the college library; unsaved work would be deleted if the device was restarted. Saving your work was a ridiculous process of finding a USB drive buried at the bottom of your backpack, or sending yourself constant emails with updated drafts. In what can only be attributed to finals delusion, I hadn’t done either in quite some time. I lost it all. A tidal wave of panic washed over me. In the same moment, though, I felt something impelling me to pause and pray.
Stress, tears, and lack of sleep were just part of the college experience. Or so I thought.
Having grown up attending Christian Science Sunday School, I was very familiar with listening for God’s, divine Love’s, direction—even if I hadn’t been doing so prior to that moment! I took a few minutes to pray. With renewed humility, I realized that I had been approaching my finals—and my school experience more broadly—by drawing on hard work and a limited, personal sense of intelligence to muscle my way through assignments. I was now in a situation where human capacity was clearly failing me. I needed help from something bigger than myself—from God.
In Christian Science, one of the synonyms for God that describes God’s nature and essence is Mind. Because God, divine Mind, is All-in-all, it naturally follows that intelligence, wisdom, and creativity come from God. As God’s reflection, the image and likeness of Mind (see Genesis 1:27), each one of us expresses these spiritual qualities—and all the qualities of Mind. Better yet, Mind is infinite. So all the qualities we need to complete our assignments or take our tests are available in infinite supply.
I began to realize that the purpose of my schoolwork wasn’t to prove how smart I was; it was to glorify God, who is Mind. I felt a deep sense of peace, and confidence that all was well.
I still had to work hard. But the feelings of dread and burden were lifted. I became accustomed to looking for evidence of Divine Mind’s presence throughout my academic career.
When I finally began to work on the paper again, the whole assignment changed. The ideas began to flow quickly and effortlessly—almost faster than I could type. Although I did have to stay up almost all night to finish the paper, I was able to turn it in on time, and I didn’t feel burdened by the lack of sleep. If I’m being honest, it was a better paper than the draft I’d lost.
What stands out to me the most about this experience, though, goes beyond the academic success of that particular semester. There was a noticeable shift in my schoolwork after that. I still had to work hard and be a diligent, thoughtful student. But the feelings of dread and burden were lifted. I became accustomed to looking for evidence of divine Mind’s presence throughout my academic career—and thanking God in moments of triumph.
Best of all, I saw a different atmosphere among my friends, too. The sense of competing to see who had the worst finals period—who slept the least, and who was the most stressed—dissipated. As I look back, some of my best memories from college were times spent working in the library with friends during exams, and the fun we found in those challenging moments.
Those prayers, born of panic, had a ripple effect that blessed far more students than just me.