Finding the perfect man

“I had wanted a man in my life,” a senior friend of mine was saying. We were talking about relationships. Years ago, she was a single woman, very involved with her career as a journalist for about 20 years, when she began to feel the need to marry. The problem was she just couldn’t find anyone she really liked. Every time she dated, there was always something wrong with the match.

Finally she decided to call a Christian Science practitioner to help her pray about the situation. The practitioner, who knew her family history, made a discerning statement: “You have accepted a disappointed sense of manhood.”

The words were totally unexpected and very surprising, yet immediately my friend knew they were true. She had been disappointed - in her dad - who began to drink more and more heavily, subsequently losing his job and putting the children in a position of having to find ways to support themselves. Now my friend was a journalist, covering criminal court, so she was seeing plenty more examples of “disappointing men.” Up to this point, she hadn’t fully seen man in the light of divine Truth, made in the image and likeness of God, naturally and wholly good (see Gen 1:26, 31 ). She was seeing just what was on the surface—this distorted view of manhood that was shaping what she believed to be true about men. And she was believing this picture.

One day she was invited to join a teacher of Christian Science and his wife for lunch, along with another Christian Science teacher. During the conversation, she asked the teachers—both men— how they’d come to devote themselves to the full-time practice of Christian Science, helping and healing others through prayer. They both had deeply inspiring stories. And afterwards my friend suddenly thought, “Now that’s true manhood!” How utterly different this view of man was from the self-centered behavior she’d come to associate with men. These two men were full of wonderful qualities –goodness and wisdom and dedication to improving the lives of others. They were gracious, loving, and kind. Not a speck of selfishness anywhere. They were really quite Godlike! At that moment, my friend recognized God’s man, made in His image, sterling in every way, and began to understand that this was the only real view there was of man. It applied to everyone, including her dad.

She could also see that these qualities were true for woman as well. Mary Baker Eddy often wrote of “man” in a generic sense: “Is not a man metaphysically and mathematically number one, a unit, and therefore whole number, governed and protected by his divine Principle, God?” (Pulpit and Press, p. 4:7-9 ). Since God is Father-Mother, and God’s sons and daughters are made in His image, each of God’s children must reflect the whole of God. Father-Mother cannot be separated, so both the male and female qualities must be equally and satisfactorily expressed in every one of us.

With my friend’s awakening to the true nature of manhood came a deeper understanding of love as including a recognition and appreciation of the good in others. She didn’t even need to worry about how companionship might come about, or try to orchestrate meetings with men. She could trust that to God and just love freely all who came into her experience. Mrs. Eddy wrote that it is God, the Source of Being, who is responsible for all “combinations, phenomena, and outcome” (Mary Baker Eddy, Unity of Good, p. 9 ). This would include the combinations of people in relationships, as well as the outcomes of those combinations.

A short time later, my friend ran into a man she’d met a few years before. At that first meeting, she still had a tendency to be critical of men and he didn’t make much of an impression on her. But with her newfound understanding of the beauty and goodness of God’s man, she quickly began to see and appreciate wonderful qualities in this man of gentleness and grace, kindness and goodwill, and a keen intelligence. As it turned out, he saw many fine qualities in her as well, and they ended up marrying a year later.

My friend’s story prompted me to think more deeply about the nature of love. Whether we are married or single, the act of reflecting or sharing our love, by seeing others as God sees them, causes us to experience more love in our lives. This sharing is always an outflow. We feel the love we give. The more we share God’s love, the more we feel it, and vice versa.

The Bible teaches us that God is Love and that “there is none beside” Him (Isa. 45:21 ). So in relationships, the love we are feeling really has its source in God. “The world believes in many persons;” Mrs. Eddy wrote, “but if God is personal, there is but one person, because there is but one God.” And she continued by saying: “His personality can only be reflected, not transmitted.” (Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, p. 517 ). Since God’s love isn’t transmitted to another – never leaving God and entering another - the love we’re feeling in any relationship is always really straight from the always-loving God Himself!

It’s when we believe someone else personally possesses the love we’re looking for that we’re likely to be disappointed. Believing this, we’re really having another god. But God’s love can only ever be reflected. And since God’s sons and daughters are made in Love’s image and likeness, each of us already includes and reflects the fullness of His love.

Begin to feel the truth that God is the source of all the love you thought was coming from others, and it will make a difference. You will feel more loved, as well as more loving. It won’t matter if lots of people are around you or none at all. You’ll find yourself aware of actually living in Love – encircled in God’s immediate presence - and spontaneously sharing it, either alone in prayer for others or through interactions with them.

Loving naturally and spontaneously wherever you go, and trusting God’s government of relationships in your life, brings increasing happiness. In fact you’re likely to form all the friendships you’ll need because such a state of mind readily attracts others.

God’s goodness and love are manifested in so many ways, including an ability to see others as God sees them. We are all free to do this and to partake of that divine goodness. When we understand that each of us – male and female – is made in God’s likeness, it becomes easy to recognize Godlike qualities in everyone, regardless of gender.

Like my friend, we see that this is the only true view there is of man, as well as of woman. As we freely share our love in this way, more and more we’ll find ourselves consciously living in divine Love, in the kingdom of heaven right here on earth, with lives that are full of happiness, companionship, and peace.