Article January 17, 1994 ISSUE

We have a lot in common

No matter what the appearance, there is a strong and appealing basis for loving one another.

Terri Higgins Murdock

I Remember how I felt when a girl in my high-school class grabbed the back of my collar, turned it inside out to read the tag, and went giggling off with her friends. I wasn't wearing a brand name that was considered "cool." Brand names had become, and often still are, a kind of shorthand for determining those with whom teens want to associate. As people mature, they probably see how superficial such standards are. But without realizing it, many of us practice the same kind of "appearance discrimination" in other ways.

While I may not care about people's brand-name clothes, I have often allowed things like the style of clothes, accents, hairstyle, age, social status, to color my thinking about whether I might have something in common with another. It has become more and more clear to me that by doing so I exclude, not others, but myself from rewarding relationships. What is needed is a spiritual understanding of what is real and important in our identity.

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