When I was doubting myself

Originally appeared online in the teen series Your Healings -  January 31, 2023

Three things in my life that are really important to me are being a good son, a good boyfriend, and a good baseball player. About a year ago, I felt I wasn’t living up to my own expectations in those three areas. After coming off a strong previous year, I was going through a really poor stretch in my baseball season. On top of that, I was struggling in my relationships and felt I couldn’t make anyone happy. Because of this, I didn’t feel like a good boyfriend or son. It seemed like I was always letting someone down. 

Everything started to feel overwhelming and burdensome. My days lacked motivation and were full of both fatigue and confusion about who I was. These fundamental parts of my identity no longer made sense to me. 

Because of how I was feeling, I stopped attending Christian Science Sunday School. I knew that it was a safe place and that people there loved and accepted me, but I was scared that their view of me had changed, since my view of myself had. I also knew that my feelings would most likely come up during Sunday School class, and because it’s hard for me to ask for support, it was easier to avoid going than to face a wave of emotion.

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