Who's in charge of my life?

I’ve always been very good at planning. And this skill has contributed greatly to my success in various careers as a teacher, technical writer, and business manager. Consequently, I’ve always considered it to be a great asset.

But recently I realized there was too much I in my plans and far too little acknowledgement of who’s really in charge of the “plan.” Though I’ve always relied on God, divine Mind, for clarification of my goals, I’ve known in the past the general direction my life would take — college, marriage and family, career. Such reliance provided me and my husband with an enormously happy life, not without its bumps, but full of accomplishment, adventure, and love — underpinned always by our sincere desire to have our lives be meaningful and useful.

As retirement age approached, however, my desire to plan the details of my life hit an obstacle. I suddenly discovered that I didn’t know what to plan for. And that’s probably the best thing that has ever happened to me, for it has forced me into radical reliance on God, divine Mind, as the planner of my life!

In struggling toward this realization, I found that my uncertainty about my purpose was generating a subtle, underlying anxiety, filled with questions. Should I be teaching full time? Should I just relax and enjoy retirement? Should I get back into my writing career? How could I know the right path to take? Such thoughts were keeping me awake at night and distressing me during the day.

I began praying earnestly for ways to replace the anxiety that kept me focused on myself as the planner with trust in divine Mind. My prayers and study led me to a parable about covetousness that Jesus used in his teachings. A rich man whose crops were plentiful found that he didn’t have big enough barns to keep all that he had accumulated. Greedily, he planned to build bigger barns.

At the end of the parable, Jesus says that God tells the farmer he’s going to die and lose his goods, so his planning comes to nothing. Jesus then explains, as the Revised Standard Version of the Bible puts it: “Do not be anxious about your life .... which of you by being anxious can add a cubit to his span of life?”

The practicality of Jesus’ words about anxiety really hit home. All of my worry was getting me nowhere, just like he said! But Jesus didn’t stop with stating what we shouldn’t do; he clearly stated what we are supposed to do.

I like the way Eugene Peterson’s contemporary translation of the Bible, The Message puts Jesus’ point in this parable: “What I am trying to do here is get you to relax, not be so preoccupied with getting so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep yourself in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.... The Father wants to give you the very kingdom itself.”

I think it’s interesting that Peterson uses the term “God-reality.” It reminds me of Mary Baker Eddy’s statement in Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures: “Christian Science reveals incontrovertibly that Mind is All-in-all, that the only realities are the divine Mind and idea.”

As I steeped my consciousness in the understanding that the only reality is spiritual, I began to grasp what trust in God really meant. This led me to change my focus from “how is my life going to evolve?” to “who is in charge of my life?”

I pondered Peterson’s terms “God-initiative” and “God-provisions.” I decided to look up ways in which Mrs. Eddy expressed these concepts. This statement helped me a lot: “To grasp the reality and order of being in its Science, you must begin by reckoning God as the divine Principle of all that really is. Spirit, Life, Truth, Love, combine as one,—and are the Scriptural names for God. All substance, intelligence, wisdom, being, immortality, cause, and effect belong to God. These are His attributes, the eternal manifestations of the infinite divine Principle, Love. No wisdom is wise but His wisdom; no truth is true, no love is lovely, no life is Life but the divine; no good is, but the good God bestows.”

Mrs. Eddy’s words so clarified my thinking that all anxiety about the way my life was going just evaporated. I began using her statement each morning as my guide for the day. It so improved my outlook that even my colleagues at work commented on my good spirits.

A few weeks later, I had several opportunities to use my writing and technology skills. First, I was asked to evaluate some software writing tools for the middle school where I had worked during the past year.

That request was followed by another: to teach a group of science students ways to write good research papers. I needed to include a presentation on judging Internet sources, but I didn’t feel prepared to give this presentation. Prayer to God, my new and true planner, led me to ask the school’s coordinator of information technology if she would present this topic. She was thrilled to do so, and she already had such a presentation prepared. The students and I both learned much from her talk.

About a week later, I came home from work to find on my answering machine an invitation to apply for a job as a staff editor with a publication for which I had been doing some writing. I was stunned at first, then greatly humbled that I should be considered for the position. The only problem with the opportunity was the necessity to move a great distance to a large city I knew only as a tourist.

Well, I thought, now is the time to put to work my new resolution for complete trust in divine Mind. Yet, I became confused and anxious over whether or not to take the job if it were offered to me. Suddenly, I realized that I was again attempting to do the planning myself. I audibly said to myself: “Stop! Divine Mind is the only cause and effect! And divine Love is caring for me.” I remembered that Jesus had said, “It is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.”

I prayed earnestly about the situation for several days, and asked my Christian Science teacher to pray along with me. This prayer gave me a great sense of peace, and helped me to see that the position wouldn’t be the best one for me to pursue at this time.

But that’s not the end of the story. As the manager and I discussed other opportunities to work together, I feel we both gained confidence in each other that will enhance our future working relationship.

I am so grateful for this experience; it provided such a rich blessing of progress in my spiritual journey to trust the government of divine Mind and the care of divine Love.

God’s plan:

Science and Health
109:4-6  
275:10

King James Bible
Luke 12:15-25  
Luke 12:29-32