Silencing criticism ends back pain
I work a seasonal job that takes me outdoors and requires a lot of driving. One winter I was troubled with back pains so severe that I was afraid I might have to resign from my position in the spring. Although I have turned to Christian Science for healing on many occasions, this time I consulted a chiropractor for a diagnosis. I am not a lifelong Christian Scientist, and during previous athletic pursuits, I counted on chiropractic treatments for instant results. This time, I gained some temporary relief but did not experience a true healing. Especially troubling was the doctor’s belief, after he had seen X-rays of my back, that I was doomed to a lifetime of back problems. I felt he didn’t accept the idea that complete healing was possible.
I knew that dedicated prayer would have benefits far beyond the scope of my perceived problem, so I stopped seeing the chiropractor. I settled in at home with Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker Eddy, spiral-bound anthologies of articles from the Christian Science periodicals, and a prayer journal. During my first days of study, some thoughts surfaced that convinced me I needed to work on silencing my mental criticism of others. In work matters, as well as on social occasions, I often found myself zeroing in on flaws and shortcomings. People weren’t doing their jobs properly, inefficient methods had been used to promote an idea, rude people made public encounters unpleasant, and so forth. My list of inner complaints could go on forever! One thing that made it difficult to recognize this as a bad habit was that throughout my career I had been offered promotions and extra responsibility at work because I was good at uncovering flawed systems and suggesting improvements. But I needed to see the difference between constructive critical thinking and destructive fault-finding.
While reading the Bible one day, I came across James 5:9 in the King James Version, “Grudge not one against another, brethren, lest ye be condemned: behold, the judge standeth before the door.” When delving into ideas from the Bible, I like to use a website that provides the original Greek or Aramaic, word by word. Much insight can be gained by comparing repeated uses of the same Greek phrase throughout all the books of the New Testament. And so I discovered that the verse can be read as: “Grumble not, brothers, against one another, that you might not be condemned. Behold, the judge before the doors is standing.” The difference in the two versions may seem inconsequential, but I noticed that the Greek word for judge is kritēs, which gave the English language a root for the words critic and criticize.
Further, I learned that there is a subtle variation in descriptions of the position of the judge, or critic. Some scholars translate the phrase to mean that he is near at hand; others that he is at the door, or in front of the door. I chose to work with the idea that the critic, the harsh and relentless judge, is standing at the door in a position to block someone’s progress outward. I realized that my propensity to find fault and to criticize was blocking my own progress to a purer spiritual attitude for daily life.
After I made this discovery, it became embarrassingly easy to identify how many ways I had, in a sense, poisoned my days by indulging in thoughtless (and mostly silent) criticism. I was able to gain comfort from another New Testament verse, “Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled” (Matthew 5:6 ). I saw that underlying my constant formulation of critical thoughts was a desire to see the right things happen, and for “rightness” to prevail. However, that desire could never be fulfilled as long as I was entertaining a false, material sense of things. What I needed to do was see the perfection of God’s creation, which is already right in every detail. It was a relief to know that among the blessings Jesus identified in his Sermon on the Mount (see Matthew 5—7) was the idea that my hunger and thirst for righteousness could be satisfied—not in the next world, but within the kingdom of God right now.
I don’t know how many days I spent in thoughtful prayer—the time passed so quickly, and focusing on pain was no longer a part of my daily routine. But within a short time I felt a shifting sensation in my back, and I knew that an important healing had taken place. Accompanying the change in my back was a beautiful feeling of peace that spread throughout my body. When the season arrived to take up my work again, I didn’t hesitate to do the walking and driving required. I have not been troubled again by that ailment. And I have adopted a new habit: I listen to hymns on CD during the first hour of my long drives for work.
While I’m still tempted to be critical at times, I now see this urge as a signal to pray—to look up, not down, and see the harmony of spiritual reality. And since my “inner judge” has stepped away from the door, I have been blessed with new professional opportunities.
Cynthia Poe
Toledo, Ohio, US
