Freed from sadness
Over two decades ago, after going through an emotional divorce, I fell into a state of depression. Loved ones told me I could get back on my feet and move on, but I couldn’t even get out of bed! I didn’t know what to do next with my life.
I’ve always relied on Christian Science for healing, so I turned to a Christian Science practitioner for help with my prayers. She reminded me that I could still love, because God is Love. Though it felt like my entire world had caved in, the truth was that our Father-Mother God loved me and made me to express love. The practitioner suggested that I take a good look at the hymns in the Christian Science Hymnal.
At that point, I felt so low that love seemed like a far-off concept. But as I read the words of familiar hymns, the healing power of God’s love began to dawn in my heart. I played hymns on the piano and started to sing along. A sweet sense of God’s presence would take hold of me as I sang. Sometimes I’d play hymns for hours just to feel nearer to God.
After a few weeks, some favorites kept returning to my thought. For example, a setting of Mary Baker Eddy’s poem “ ‘Feed My Sheep’ ” was very helpful. It begins, “Shepherd, show me how to go / O’er the hillside steep” (Hymn 305 ). I saw that no matter what “terrain” we face (divorce, no job, no money, no home, etc.), God’s shepherding voice, the Christ, is showing us how to go forward. The hymn also reminded me that I still had to fulfill my part. I had to both “listen” and “follow.”
It was, at first, hard for me to distinguish which thoughts that came to me were from the Christ. But then I realized that the Christ directs only good motives and right actions, such as helping those in need, being courteous, recognizing the beauty around us, not taking offense, and acknowledging God’s goodness in all His creation.
Every time I went out for groceries, put gas in my car, or even walked the dog, I found opportunities to smile, and invariably others would smile back. Those smiles turned into conversations, and then friendships. A loving and fuller realization of my inherent worth and the worth of others emerged in my heart. I saw that God’s love informs and uplifts all of His children and that we cannot fall from the spiritual altitude of God-inspired thinking.
Another helpful hymn was the J.S. Bach setting of Hymn No. 153 : “My spirit hath rejoicing, / For holy is Thy name” (Maria Louise Baum). This helped me affirm the many ways I could rejoice in God’s holy name. God’s Word—His promise—is faithful. God alone has power and brings us great things, including redemption, mercy, gladness, and wholeness. Instead of feeling imprisoned by sadness and limitations, I felt absolutely amazed by all that is possible through God.
Within a few weeks of starting my Hymnal study, the cloud of depression lifted, and I was able to see my way again. One by one, self-imposed limitations were knocked down. Little by little, I took the needed steps to become a school teacher—my dream job. The healing of those depressed feelings has been permanent.
Though my prayers felt like an extraordinary effort at first, I learned so much about God and about my relationship to Him. I now see that my being had never been changed into something fearful, dark, and deprived because I was, and always am, God’s child—spiritual,
capable, and fearless.
Katherine Gavarini
Los Altos, California, US
