Q: I hate how mean and critical everyone is on social media, but then sometimes I find myself being that way, too. How can I stop?

A: That’s a great question, and to be honest, it’s one I’ve asked myself.

As a dancer, I used to spend hours in front of the mirror. I wasn’t admiring myself; I was looking for flaws in my dancing. And I sure found them. This habit carried over into my everyday life, except that in addition to being super critical of myself, I found that I was intensely critical of others.

But it was more than just a habit. I found that the real reason I was viewing everyone around me through a lens of criticism was that I didn’t feel too good about myself. And the worst part is, I was making these comparisons as a way of trying to make myself feel better.

I could always find something wrong with the other person, and I did.

For example, I remember thinking, “My arms are prettier than Susie’s, even if her waist is smaller.” This went on relentlessly. 

I went from there to just criticizing everything about everybody. I could always find something wrong with the other person, and I did.

I hated doing it. But how to stop?

The answer turned out to be pretty obvious: If I felt better about myself, I wouldn’t be so critical of others. So how could I do that, especially since there were things I hated about myself?

Clearly, I needed to see myself in a better light. Because I am a Christian Scientist, I thought prayer was probably the best way to approach this issue.

I thought about something I’d read in the Bible about God creating man in his image and likeness (see Genesis 1:26, 27). “Uh-huh,” I thought. “But what does that mean?”

I looked up the word image in the dictionary. Among several definitions was one for image as a verb that essentially meant to make something invisible visible. Wow! So we are created to actually make God’s existence visible?

At first, I got hung up on thinking that “visible” meant we are material. But a little more prayer healed that. God is Spirit, and God is All. There’s no place in that allness of Spirit for matter to exist. 

So if we aren’t material, what does it mean to make God visible? How about thinking instead tangible, apparent, recognizable? In other words, through the Godlike qualities we express, we make God discernible.

It was becoming clearer to me that we exist as evidence of God’s all-presence. So we can be only what God creates us to be: good, smart, even beautiful. God, good, defines us. This means we are inherently good, each one of us.

This good that makes up who we are is wonderful! As I began to understand this, I kind of forgot about how bad I’d thought I was, so I no longer had a need to make myself feel better. 

I was discovering something about what Mary Baker Eddy wrote in Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures: “The recipe for beauty is to have less illusion and more Soul . . .” (p. 247). To me, that meant that the more of God’s qualities I could find in myself, the better I would feel about myself.

When we come to know our own wholeness, based on the way God made us, the need to compare or criticize fades away naturally.

I learned that I didn’t have to compare myself to others to feel OK. Actually, I found that comparisons are irrelevant and unhelpful because they only perpetuate an incorrect view of us in our own thought. 

I can’t say that I have the perfect body, hair, or complexion—far from it. But I’m no longer obsessed with criticizing others to make myself feel better. Instead, I am looking to see the good around me and in others. That, combined with feeling better about myself because I know I am God-created, makes me feel good.

Was I able to stop criticizing altogether, instantly? No. But I saw that there is a way forward. It’s to continue to find out from God more about who I am. 

I’ve been using physical appearance as the specific focus of criticism, but understanding our spiritual identity helps with all aspects of our self-worth. Whether we find ourselves finding fault with others for their beliefs, the way they choose to live their lives, or anything else, we can use these moments as a nudge to ask what we think we’re getting out of criticizing. And then we can pray about whatever seems lacking inside of us instead. When we come to know our own wholeness, based on the way God made us, the need to compare or criticize fades away naturally. And let me tell you, that feels really good!